Hire Jim Essian

A funny thing happens when one includes active players on a list of Cub-killing baseball players that takes over four and a half years to complete. Statistics CHANGE. So, when I compiled the T79 and started it way back on- June 24, 2007? Holy shit. Anyhow, Xavier Nady was a reasonable choice back then. There were guys higher up on the T79 whose statistics changed, and whom I was able to swap in and out of the lineup. Ryan Theriot comes to mind. But now that I'm at the top 20, I think I have to grin, bear, and just go for it. On my sealed master list of T79ers, buried in a vault beneath the McDonald's parking lot across from Wrigley Field, I made myself just one note: "absurd OPS vs. Cubs." It's no longer absurd, but my sheer stubborn will causes Xavier Nady to stay at #14 on the list of the Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time.

Prepare for a glimpse into the writing of the Muskbox. When a new Muskbox crosses my feed reader, I excitedly open it and immediately cut-and-paste the content of the Muskbox into a new draft post. I don't like to read ahead, because I like my reactions to be like YOUR reactions when you read this nonsense. So, ... Read More

If you thought that this week's Muskbox would ask whether or not Greg Maddux will be the next Cubs pitching coach, say another sooth, give yourself a gold star, and prepare for your weekly reminder of why you're embarrassed to be a Cubs fan. And, if you're NOT so embarrassed, thank you for your contributions to the Muskbox this week. Now that ... Read More

Well, I'm back, like it or not. The trip was outstanding, THANKS A LOT FOR ASKING. Rather than spending fourteen hours powering through thousands of unread feeds, I wiped my feed reader as soon as I got back in town. If there was a Muskbox in there, it is lost to the ages. There was, however, ... Read More

You're so predictable, Cubs fans. More predictable than the Cubs losing the first two games of every single series. More predictable than Randy Wells getting lit up in the first inning. More predictable than Ryan Theriot swinging at a first pitch. The five people who are still watching Cub baseball all wrote in to the Muskbox ... Read More

I think I'm having a Cub mid-life crisis. I had no idea who the Cubs were playing last night until I logged on to MLB At-Bat to watch highlights from Stephen Strasburg's debut. I wasn't surprised to learn that the Cubs had suffered another one-run loss to another terrible team. I can't remember the last time I ... Read More

I didn't get around to the Muskbox last week because of the emotional and mental toll from ripping Milton Bradley. I could- nay, should allow myself a break from the Muskbox madness. But that wouldn't be fair to you. Instead, you get a double shot of Muskbox with a chaser of failure. And I die on ... Read More

This week's Muskbox has done something so amazingly meta, that it's hard to believe it's not on purpose. It's a Muskbox about a blog. Now, are you ready for this? Here's where it gets even funkier. You're about to read another blog mock the Muskbox about being about a blog. Take a few deep breaths ... Read More

Our latest installment of the Muskbox commits a fallacy of the undistributed middle, frets over the career of Micah Hoffpauir, and throws a wild kegger in Vinton, Iowa! Join me, won't you, on our weekly excursion into the minds of the mentally-impaired? Why don't the Cubs just go ahead and let Castro open the season at shortstop and move Ryan ... Read More

Sigh. I leave you guys for one week, and all hell breaks loose around here. Can't you nerds just realize that you're all nerds and embrace one another at the next Star Trek convention? Or do MORE than hug? Look, for a bunch of people who root for a team that hasn't done dick in a ... Read More