Hire Jim Essian

I'm idiotically and unfortunately involved in a Cubs ticket package with several other people. Even worse, most of the games I've selected haven't yet taken place. Since the tickets are unsellable, I can basically only give the tickets away or go to the games. The same option was left with Pre, one of the other members of ... Read More

Way back in 2002, the Cincinnati Reds revealed a slugger who was supposed to be Sosa- McGwire- and Bonds-esque in his ability to hit home runs. Despite his inability to draw walks, catch and throw a baseball, or either spell or pronounce the name "Willy," Wily Mo Pena was going to team up with Austin Kearns and Adam Dunn ... Read More

Mike Jorgensen was from a simpler baseball era. A time when hitting .243 bought you 17 seasons in Major League Baseball. A time when it was okay to hit only 95 home runs and drive in 426 RBIs in a career. A time when maybe people only watched his games against the Chicago Cubs, against whom he ... Read More

When I did a GIS for Prince Fielder, the top related search was "prince fielder fat." Indeed he is, oh prescient Google. Prince Fielder is so fat, he has to wake up in sections. He's so fat, Rickie Weeks jogs around him for exercise. He's so fat, if he leaves Milwaukee via free agency, Wisconsin will ... Read More

It's stupid that Barry Larkin isn't already in the MLB Hall of Fame while Ozzie Smith is. Larkin was one of the most dominant offensive shortstops over the course of a 19-year career spent entirely with the Reds. On his resume, Larkin can list 12 All Star game selections, 9 Silver Sluggers, 3 Gold Gloves, and an MVP. ... Read More

If there's one good thing about the 2011 Cubs season, it's that The Attendance Game has been a lot more interesting. Gone are the days when Pat and Ron could just guess somewhere in the neighborhood of 40,000 people at Wrigley and be within 2,000 fans. Especially not when the Cubs are playing against boring, bad NL Central ... Read More

To quote Tyler Durden, "You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else." If only the Ricketts were aware that the only thing unique about the product they're peddling is the fact that it's the most futile sports franchise in all of professional sports. ... Read More

You know it's nearly baseball season when you wake up in a cold sweat, having spent an exhausting night dreaming about bad baseball. Or when you're so desperate for baseball that you're voluntarily watching the Sox on TV. Which I'm doing RIGHT NOW. If you've been reading HJE since its inception (thanks for making THAT word impossible ... Read More

The headline of today's Chicago Breaking Sports article is "Cubs 'surprised' by Big Ten rule changes." (HT: Ned Ryerson) Well, no shit. The Rickettses are surprised when the sun comes up in the east every day. They're surprised that Milton Bradley was an asshole. They're surprised that the state of Illinois laughed at their bid ... Read More

You probably weren't watching, but the Cubs just completed a three-game sweep of the Cardinals at Busch Stadium II. The Cubs hadn't swept the Cardinals in St. Louis in the last twelve seasons. The late-season dramatic pennant race against the Cardinals reminds me of 2003 when the Cubs took four of five (and should have taken all five) ... Read More