Hire Jim Essian

I kid you not. The new Muskbox image was barely altered. Yes, there was a giant amount of white space where the HJE logo now sits. I like to imagine when Carrie saw it, she let out an exasperated sigh. Anyhow, I love it, I have adopted it, and I am embracing it. I completely ... Read More

There are times when the lede of an article is so cornily stupid, that it makes me question the existence of a loving God. Times when the lede is so embarrassingly awful to read, that I as a blogger don't even care what the rest of the article is about. I just know that I have to fisk ... Read More

My brain is still reeling over yesterday's decision to send Carlos Zambrano to the bullpen. Whether you love Zambrano (like Dolan) or don't (like me), you'd be a total fucking idiot to like this idea. In the Zambrano post, paintersix (sorry to pick on you) said, "I think it's a terrible idea but .....if it works were all ... Read More

Ted Lilly's impending return to the Cubs has prompted two questions. "Which starter will get bumped from the rotation and into the bullpen?" and "How stupid will Jon Heyman's suggestion regarding the first question be?" The answers are "either Tom Gorzelanny or Carlos Silva," and "Stupider than Ryan Theriot trying to explain gravity." In his latest column (HT: Pre), ... Read More

After a loooooong hiatus, the Muskbox has finally returned to half-answer all of your dumbest questions about the Cubs! The Muskbox is one of the few things that keeps me going during the offseason, so here's hoping that this is the first in a streak of many successful and hilarious fall and winter Muskboxes. CARRIE: It's been tough to ... Read More

You can't make up the explanation for the return of the Muskbox. More than a few Cubs fans in Southern California said they missed the Inbox, and so did several e-mailers, so it's back. Well, thanks a LOT, California. You already gave us USC, horrible earthquakes, The Hills, and a cyborg governor who took the first major step for the machines ... Read More

Okay, it's reality-check time. Even if the Cardinals go one game under .500 for the rest of the way, they'll finish 88-74. For the Cubs to reach 88 wins, they'll have to go 28-17, a .622 winning percentage. Unlikely, since they're playing .513 baseball this year and are in danger of getting swept by a terrible 51-70 ... Read More

Yesterday, the Cubs acquired Tom Gorzelanny and John Grabow from the Pittsburgh Pirates. Both are left-handed pitchers. Both have been successful in the past. Both have sexy glamor shots. Both are in this week's Fukudome. While Grabow is ready to pitch right now, Gorzelanny has been terrific in AAA during his rehab stint. He ... Read More

In what has become an annual tradition around the trade deadline, the Cubs have apparently once again dipped into their AAA team in Pittsburgh, calling up John Grabow and Tom Gorzelanny. (HT: TDubbs) Eh. They're both bullpen lefties, an area in which the Cubs are lacking once Sean Marshall gets used. Apparently, Gorzelanny cost them Kevin ... Read More