Hire Jim Essian

Paul Konerko has long been the most popular member of the White Sox. And why not? Sure, he looks like a record-store clerk, but he can hit, and he allegedly help the White Sox to a World Series title in 2005. Plus, the overweight female population alone has kept XXL Konerko jerseys in huge demand. His fans' jerseys, however, aren't the only thing XXL about Konerko's career. The first baseman's career numbers against the Cubs earned him the 20th spot on the Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time.

Where were you on June 17, 2011? Did you know it was a historic date? Not only did the Cubs manage to defeat the mighty New York Yankees at Wrigley Field, but somehow DOUG DAVIS managed to defeat the New York Yankees at Wrigley Field. Oh, also, it was the first time in the history of Major ... Read More

Travel back in time with me, if you will, to a time before the Cubs' "Cajun Connection" of former Louisiana State University players Ryan Theriot and Mike Fontenot. Years before that cute moniker was first used to describe the diminutive middle infielders, the Cubs had a GRITTY second baseman with beard stubble and a Tiger pedigree of his own. ... Read More

Everyone who has watched Carlos Silva pitch or eat has gotten sick to his stomach. The pitching part continued today, as Silva gave up eight runs in the third inning to the Angels. Presumably, Aramis Ramirez just stood over at third base and laughed his ass off. For a franchise that didn't have any qualms about throwing actual, productive ... Read More

(Ed. Note: This post was all set to go up on Wednesday. And then Milton, in one of the most appropriately-timed tantrums of all time, decided to throw the good people of Chicago under the bus AGAIN. Thanks, Milton, for being the rule that proves that there is absolutely nothing exceptional about you.) The three-year anniversary of HJE ... Read More

Milton Bradley plays baseball for a living. Yet, somehow, he is one of the unhappiest, most petulant assholes on the planet. And it's all YOUR fault that he is. YOUR fault. Die, Milton, you son of a bitch. When you blame the fans you put yourself in some elite company, the case against whom is ... Read More

Fair warning. If you like Todd Hundley or any of the Hundley clan, you probably shouldn't read the following story. Everyone still with me? Okay, good. I had to share this nugget sent in by a reader which- Well, I'll just let the story speak for itself. Yesterday i went to the cubs game with a ... Read More

Our good friend Hitler is back, and he's not too happy to hear that Aramis Ramirez is hurt. ... Read More

I'm going to be honest here. Ryan Klesko didn't particularly kill the Cubs any more than he did any other team. He didn't rise to the occasion against Cub pitching. He didn't perform well in Wrigley Field. In fact, Klesko was actually worse against the Cubs than his career averages suggest he should have been. ... Read More

I didn't realize it was possible to rip off a parody of your own work, but some how Al Yellon has managed to do just that. A loyal Son of Jim Essian and former reader of the Boring Cubs Blog pointed out that Yellon has taken it upon himself to recreate the B126 using G-rated language. The B126 ... Read More