Hire Jim Essian

When Bobby Abreu first became an MLB superstar, everyone said, "Hey, this guy hits like Sammy Sosa, except he draws walks and doesn't seem like as big an asshole! And, hey, he sort of looks exactly like a rounder Sammy Sosa! I wonder if he does steroids, too!" Perhaps, everyone. Perhaps. At least if you were a Cubs fans, it certainly APPEARED that Abreu did steroids. He was a tormentor of Cub pitching, and he slugged his way to #17 on the Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time.

I'm excited that the 2011 playoffs start tonight, in September. I'm particularly excited about the prospect of the World Series ending, rightfully, in October. I'm a bit baffled as to why both ALDS series are on tonight and why both NLDS series are on tomorrow. But if there's one thing Bud Selig has taught me, it's EXPECT ... Read More

Before Angel Guzman was around to tempt Cubs fans with his seemingly-limitless potential and seemingly-glass musculoskeletal structure, a skinny kid from the Dominican Republic rocketed through the Cubs' minor league system. By the time he was 21 years old, Juan Cruz looked and pitched like an old wise man. Cruz teased Cubs fans in the spring with his ... Read More

Jim Hendry's plan to become the Tampa Bay Cubs has broken even this year. Gone are former Rays managers Lou Piniella and Larry Rothschild. Here are former Rays Carlos Pena and, now, Matt Garza. This has been a shockingly competent offseason for Jim Hendry. I was expecting absolutely nothing out of him, and he's gone one ... Read More

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a Cubs blog. But yesterday, the Bears acquired Jay Cutler, arguably the best quarterback they've ever had. Who knew he was so jacked? And who knew a Google image search for "Jay Cutler" would yield such surprising results? Anyhow, Roundup time. Rick Morrissey is, of course, pissed about the best trade ... Read More

If you're Oleg, Mike D., flannj, TDubbs, or anyone else who gets their ANGER angered up by reading about video games, stop right now. For the rest of you normies, the MLB 2K9 demo was released in the wee hours of this morning for the Xbox 360. Rumor has it that PS3 owners will get the demo on ... Read More

Rumor has it (and thanks to Oleg for the tip) that the Cubs are about to sign former Devil Ray and former Kansas City Royal outfielder Joey Gathright. He's fast, and he can catch the ball, so the signing would make sense for, say, the Bears. But he can't hit. Like, at all. Unless you count ... Read More

It's been nearly a month since the last FNF because, quite frankly, thinking about Kosuke sort of pisses me off now. But that doesn't mean the FNF must die. Anyhow, the World Series is tied at one game a piece and is already the most exciting World Series since 2002. What's that? You're not watching? ... Read More

BAD KERMIT: There's not much interesting going on this week. SWEET UNCLE LOU: That's bad. BAD KERMIT: Well, I guess the World Series might be an interesting matchup. SWEET UNCLE LOU: That's good! BAD KERMIT: But the Tampa Bay Rays are playing in it. SWEET UNCLE LOU: That's bad. BAD KERMIT: But the National League won Game One. SWEET UNCLE ... Read More

The never-say-die attitude of America's Favorite TeamTM has caused sports network giant ESPN to pick the Boston Red Sox to win Game Eight of the American League Championship Series. Game Eight will be played tonight in Boston. If the Red Sox beat the upstart Tampa Bay Rays, they will clinch a Game Nine. The ALCS will continue ... Read More