Hire Jim Essian

It's hard to imagine that Neifi Neftali Perez was a bigger liability to the Cubs when off their roster than when on it. When last we left Neifi over four years ago, he was being honored as the second-worst Cub of my time. Now here we sit, eagerly awaiting his official retirement from baseball so that his Hall of Fame eligibility clock can begin its insistent ticking. Surely, a man with a career .297 OBP will not get a call from the Hall of Fame. He would, however, if the BBWAA considered only Neifi's statistics against the Cubs. His career pursuit of those numbers caused Neifi to scrap his way all the way up to #18 of the Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time.

Before we dive knuckles-first into this week's Muskbox, it's my duty to point out that tickets to tonight's compelling Cubs-Reds matchup are currently selling for ONE DOLLAR AND FORTY-EIGHT CENTS on StubHub. (HT: Ned Ryerson) If you've been waiting to see Rodrigo Lopez pitch, NOW IS YOUR CHANCE. SIDE NOTE: Anyone need two tickets for tonight's game? Face ... Read More

Mike Jorgensen was from a simpler baseball era. A time when hitting .243 bought you 17 seasons in Major League Baseball. A time when it was okay to hit only 95 home runs and drive in 426 RBIs in a career. A time when maybe people only watched his games against the Chicago Cubs, against whom he ... Read More

The summer of 2011 feels like one that will be filled with arguments over which Chicago baseball team is slightly less bad. (HINT: It's the White Sox.) Say what you will about the Cubs, but at least they have the decency to take their beatings with dignity and respect. I mean, just look how classy they were ... Read More

When I was growing up watching Cubs games with Harry Caray and Steve Stone in the booth, I'm ashamed to admit that I honestly thought Stone was a baseball genius. It blew my mind that Stone could prognosticate which pitch would be thrown in a certain situation or whether or not a batter would try to steal a base. ... Read More

I'm going to go ahead and give Carrie some credit. She may pick ludicrous questions to answer. She may pick decent questions and completely fail to answer them. And she might get her facts wrong sometimes. But at least she doesn't make stuff up, which makes her a better journalist than Burnt Sienna and Playgirl. ... Read More

It's bad enough when the only people who are sucking the enjoyment out of the Cubs for me are other idiotic Cub fans, but now I can't help but get sucked in to the cesspool of unexamined mental unhealthiness that is Sox Nation? First there was Mark Buerhle's perfect game, which deserves acclaim, naturally. But then the Manolantern poses an ... Read More

I told Dolan the other day that, considering how he acts now, I was always sort of proud that I never really cared for Steve Stone. I didn't really have anything against him. I just didn't think he was as big a genius as he or anyone else thought he was. After he left the Cubs, his ... Read More

Carrie, you clever little vixen. You took a long break from the Muskbox, only to have it spring up on a Thursday. I bet you thought I'd be too busy posting the Roundup, Skip's Comment of the Week, and the Friday Night Fukudome to fisk it. The Muskbox will never escape my watchful gaze. Don't you think Wells ... Read More

Every time I do my stomach the disservice of reliving the Cubs' three-game sweep at the hands of the mighty, mighty 84-78 Dodgers, one word keeps floating to the surface of bile in my throat. Pathetic. Just pathetic. The Cubs aren't a kicked dog. At least a kicked dog has a chance of putting up a fight. They're a ... Read More