Hire Jim Essian

One of the difficulties of taking so long to finish writing the list of the Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time is that the list includes many active players. Some of them completely dominated the Cubs when I first wrote the list. For example, Zach Duke, of all people, was a top-ten Cub killer when the list ... Read More

You can't make up the explanation for the return of the Muskbox. More than a few Cubs fans in Southern California said they missed the Inbox, and so did several e-mailers, so it's back. Well, thanks a LOT, California. You already gave us USC, horrible earthquakes, The Hills, and a cyborg governor who took the first major step for the machines ... Read More

Okay, it's reality-check time. Even if the Cardinals go one game under .500 for the rest of the way, they'll finish 88-74. For the Cubs to reach 88 wins, they'll have to go 28-17, a .622 winning percentage. Unlikely, since they're playing .513 baseball this year and are in danger of getting swept by a terrible 51-70 ... Read More

Well, that was awful nice of Lou Piniella to apologize to Shane Victorino. Poor Shane was the victim of a drunken idiot in the bleachers who decided to douse him with a nearly full cup of beer. Incidentally, I apologize to Section 242 and flannj. So help me God, I thought Victorino dropped the ball and the ... Read More

In what has become an annual tradition around the trade deadline, the Cubs have apparently once again dipped into their AAA team in Pittsburgh, calling up John Grabow and Tom Gorzelanny. (HT: TDubbs) Eh. They're both bullpen lefties, an area in which the Cubs are lacking once Sean Marshall gets used. Apparently, Gorzelanny cost them Kevin ... Read More

Okay, so Lou is out of town and didn't get a chance to do the Roundup this week. I apologize. I have some good tips from all of you, and Lou will use them if not sometime this weekend, then for next week's Roundup. I apologize if you were productive today. Tips, as always, can go ... Read More

Last week, I was worried that Ryan Dempster was developing Jason Marquis Disease. If you're unfamiliar with JMD, it occurs when you're a starting pitcher who gives up just enough runs for your team to lose. So, if the Cubs score 8, you're busy giving up 9. If they score 1, you just allowed a two-run homer. ... Read More

This week, Lou Piniella made the cryptic comment that Randy Wells will remain on the team after Carlos Zambrano returns, either in the bullpen or in the rotation. Once again, Sean Marshall appears to be the odd man out of the rotation. But if Wells is actually capable of being the fifth starter, Lou could move Marshall to ... Read More

Did you almost turn off the TV Friday night when Aramis Ramirez went down? Did you curse, in the following order: (1) God, (2) Jim Hendry, and (3) Barry Rozner? I spent most of Saturday thinking about how screwed the Cubs are. Losing Aramis for any significant period of time is way worse than losing Carlos Zambrano. ... Read More

Another week, and as far as I know, no one in the clubhouse has swine flu. Just to avoid a scare, we've started calling "flu-like symptoms" what they really are: hangovers. That said, I'm day-to-day this weekend from "hangover." But I'll muscle up and give you your precious Roundup, because I'd hate for you to do work ... Read More