Hire Jim Essian

The first Muskbox of the new year picks up right where the last Muskbox of the old year left off. In a world of confusion, unanswered questions, and broken promises. However, to avoid you a horrible heart attack this early into the new year, I must warn you. Hidden deep in the recesses of the Muskbox lies an honest-to-goodness solid question AND answer. 2012 TRULY IS THE END OF DAYS!!!

I'm a former teacher. And, as such, I'm going to give you a brief, in-class assignment. Imagine every single random, bad pitcher around the MLB you can recall in recent years. The Jason Grillis. The D.J. Carrascos. The Carlos Villanueavas. Of all the random middling veteran relievers you've ever seen take the mound, where ... Read More

This week's Muskbox's flight was delayed due to Matt Clement weather. Fortunately, neither rain, nor sleet, nor THUNDER SNOW can keep the Muskbox down forever. The Muskbox just keeps on a-shovelin' until it piles up past your windows. I was wondering if there was any talk of giving Sean Marshall a shot at one of the two starting rotation ... Read More

If Mike Quade wanted to endear himself to Cubs fans, perhaps he should have avoided using the same unoriginal rallying cry that the infuriating Dusty Baker used during the 2003 season. "Why not us?" asked Quade at his introductory press conference. Well, Mike, I think I can take a crack at that. You don't have a first ... Read More

What special brand of madness awaits us in this week's Muskbox? Will it find a place for Carlos Zambrano...AT FIRST BASE? Will the Muskbox play Robert Langdon as she unravels the mystery of the EX-CUB FACTOR? WHERE SHOULD WE SEND TYLER COLVIN'S WEDDING GIFTS??? Some of those questions may or may not be answered below. How is ... Read More

Don't forget about the Mathematical Elimination Party tonight. Or do forget about it. I won't be there, anyhow. What do I care? Your BROWSing tips are as appreciated as the city of St. Louis staying downwind of me. Oh, and I do appreciate the multiple-link e-mails. I still have several links from some of ... Read More

Folks, we have reached a new low, even by Muskbox standards. Someone actually took the time to write in and complain about Starlin Castro. Starlin is currently sporting an excellent .328/.386/.469 line. As Dolan recently pointed out, he has reached base at least once in every single game he's played. All seventeen of them. He ... Read More

It's early in the season, but it's never too early to fire up the HATEWAGON. The Cub bullpen is, basically, split down the middle. GOOD: SeanBearPig Marshall, James Russell, Esmailin Caridad, Carlos Marmol GODAWFUL: John Grabow, Jeff Samardzija, Justin Berg They blew a late lead against the Braves the other night, and we won't even mention the Opening Day meltdown ... Read More

If there's one thing that's absolutely infuriating about the Cubs, it's their mystifying inability to hit left-handed pitching. No, scratch that. If there's one thing that's absolutely infuriating about the Cubs, it's their 102-year championship drought. Number two is the other thing with the left-handers. A couple of offseasons ago, when Jim Hendry decided to make ... Read More

I didn't get around to the Muskbox last week because of the emotional and mental toll from ripping Milton Bradley. I could- nay, should allow myself a break from the Muskbox madness. But that wouldn't be fair to you. Instead, you get a double shot of Muskbox with a chaser of failure. And I die on ... Read More