Hire Jim Essian

Before you didn't watch A.J. Pierzynski cheat the White Sox into the 2005 World Series, there was probably already something in your gut that made you hate him. Your gut was absolutely right. The nicest thing that fellow asshole Ozzie Guillen could say about Pierzynski is, "If you play against him, you hate him. If you play with him, you hate him a little less." For one thing, I didn't know assholes could smell their own. For a second thing, there is no way Ozzie Guillen said that as eloquently as that quote is written. For yet another thing, when even OZZIE GUILLEN thinks you're an asshole, it's time to take some serious stock of your life. Though Pierzynski's numbers against the Cubs have dropped in the last few years, I have no qualms about placing the infuriating mullet of A.J. Pierzynski at #7 of the Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time.

When I did a GIS for Prince Fielder, the top related search was "prince fielder fat." Indeed he is, oh prescient Google. Prince Fielder is so fat, he has to wake up in sections. He's so fat, Rickie Weeks jogs around him for exercise. He's so fat, if he leaves Milwaukee via free agency, Wisconsin will ... Read More

This afternoon Pre brought to my attention a little bit of oddness from Yahoo. In a post regarding the potential of a Matt Garza trade to the Cubs, "Louis" had some unkind words for Jim Hendry. I have said it before and I will say it again... Until Jim Hendry is fired and a real gm is hired the cubs ... Read More

Now that Andre Dawson is going to be inducted into the Hall of Fame, the war is on (HT: David Chalk). Will he wear a Cubs hat on his Cooperstown plaque, or an Expos hat? I vote for no hat at all, and just let that sweet Jheri curl fly. We're happily back to a normal Roundup ... Read More

Okay, it's reality-check time. Even if the Cardinals go one game under .500 for the rest of the way, they'll finish 88-74. For the Cubs to reach 88 wins, they'll have to go 28-17, a .622 winning percentage. Unlikely, since they're playing .513 baseball this year and are in danger of getting swept by a terrible 51-70 ... Read More

Except for the fact that no one on the team got their foot caught in a bear trap, last night's game was pretty close to the perfect summary of the 2009 season so far, wasn't it? Not only was Rich Harden was perfect until the sixth inning, but he had looked brilliant in striking out six Phillies in his ... Read More

Our good friend Hitler is back, and he's not too happy to hear that Aramis Ramirez is hurt. ... Read More

It�s been fifty days since the Cubs ended their season with the resistance of rice paper, and I�m still ANGRY. When the playoffs began, Kerm had set up a Magic Number=11 thread, in the hopes of counting down the number of wins for a World Championship. Pathetically, for the second straight season, not one goddamned number was taken off. So ... Read More

The only time I read Bleed Cubbie Blue is when someone on Desipio links it. For someone on Desipio to link it, the writing must be worse than normal. So when I saw a link to the hilariously stupid "Building A Cubs Champion: Introducing Your 2009 Chicago Cubs" I had to click it. I now fully understand ... Read More

Why? ... Read More