Hire Jim Essian

A funny thing happens when one includes active players on a list of Cub-killing baseball players that takes over four and a half years to complete. Statistics CHANGE. So, when I compiled the T79 and started it way back on- June 24, 2007? Holy shit. Anyhow, Xavier Nady was a reasonable choice back then. There were guys higher up on the T79 whose statistics changed, and whom I was able to swap in and out of the lineup. Ryan Theriot comes to mind. But now that I'm at the top 20, I think I have to grin, bear, and just go for it. On my sealed master list of T79ers, buried in a vault beneath the McDonald's parking lot across from Wrigley Field, I made myself just one note: "absurd OPS vs. Cubs." It's no longer absurd, but my sheer stubborn will causes Xavier Nady to stay at #14 on the list of the Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time.

If there's one person to whom the Giles brothers should apologize, that man is their father. Because these jowly, square-headed weirdos had to have just RUINED their mother. If there's a second person to whom the Giles brother should apologize, it's me. Because they have just RUINED Cub pitching. That's why, after Marcus made his way ... Read More

Whenever a team lets a player go for no compensation, although they say all the right things and wish him well, they are secretly hoping that the player sucks throughout the course of his career. You hope he becomes Mark Prior or Matt Clement or Rueben Quevedo. You certainly don't want him to become the greatest pitcher of ... Read More

Look! Up in the air! It's a middle infielder nearly as short as the ones the Cubs love collecting! It's an average second baseman who put up average numbers against most of the teams in the National League! It's a tiny little guy who mysteriously starting slamming home runs, but then shrunk and couldn't stay ... Read More

Way back in 2002, the Cincinnati Reds revealed a slugger who was supposed to be Sosa- McGwire- and Bonds-esque in his ability to hit home runs. Despite his inability to draw walks, catch and throw a baseball, or either spell or pronounce the name "Willy," Wily Mo Pena was going to team up with Austin Kearns and Adam Dunn ... Read More

Travel back in time with me, if you will, to a time before the Cubs' "Cajun Connection" of former Louisiana State University players Ryan Theriot and Mike Fontenot. Years before that cute moniker was first used to describe the diminutive middle infielders, the Cubs had a GRITTY second baseman with beard stubble and a Tiger pedigree of his own. ... Read More

I was catching up on my Desipio message boarding, when I came across a link to this Bwuce Levine article. It's dumb. Did I need to clarify that? It was written by Bwuce Levine. But what stood out to me was this baffling line: Cubs GM Jim Hendry will gladly overpay in prospects if he gets the ... Read More

One of the difficulties of taking so long to finish writing the list of the Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time is that the list includes many active players. Some of them completely dominated the Cubs when I first wrote the list. For example, Zach Duke, of all people, was a top-ten Cub killer when the list ... Read More

Kevin Gregg is officially the least-popular man in Chicago. Not even Lou Piniella can defend him after another dick-kicking blown save in the ninth inning of last night's Padres game. According to Lou, Gregg is no longer the closer. I sure hope Lou means it this time. Lou has a penchant for saying he's going to ... Read More

Oh, hey. Ted Lilly is back. I almost forgot about him. The left-hander's return means that one of his teammates is DL-bound. Everyone hopes it will be Aaron Miles, but I predict that Aramis Ramirez's face will melt off. Lilly will start the first game of a West Coast road trip consisting of three games ... Read More