Hire Jim Essian

If there's one sports radio refrain that annoys me, it's, "Tom Ricketts is being SO SMART AND CAREFUL about his evaluation of Jim Hendry." Bullshit. The Cubs are now halfway through their first season under Ricketts' ownership. They're 39-50, with the third-highest payroll in all of Major League Baseball. The only two more expensive teams are ... Read More

Hey, did you notice how me and Carlos have what us Spaniards might call a relationship that has gone "frio"? We barely speak anymore, he doesn't return my phone calls, and he's only pitched 7 2/3 innings since he was moved to the bullpen. So, what gives? More importantly, does anyone care? It's been a loooooong ... Read More

Oh, what the 2001 Cubs season might have been if the Cubs hadn't allowed outfielder Luis Gonzalez to walk at the end of the 1996 season. Sosa wouldn't have had to single-handedly attempt to carry the Cubs into the playoffs. Gonzalez's 57-home run, 142-RBI season would have paired nicely with Sosa's unbelievable campaign. But, alas, the Cub ... Read More

The internet is all atwitter (oh, NOW I get it, Twitter) about Starlin Castro. He makes routine plays! He hits triples! He's never been caught stealing second base on a walk! He brought one of Ted Lilly's victims back to life and healed Kevin Millar's teeth! Look, I like this young man as much as ... Read More

I love when Lou Piniella says stuff, preferably into microphones. When Lou came out in support of Mark McGwire a month ago, I thought he was full of crap. This week, he confirmed it. In case you missed it, Lou suggested that Cubs fans will forgive McGwire for taking steroids. Lou hasn't been more wrong since ... Read More

Earlier this week, Ernie Banks urged Sammy Sosa to come clean about his use of performance-enhancing drugs. Rather than take the advice of the Cub Hall of Famer, Sosa instead urged Banks to reveal that he is moonlighting as annoying, self-appointed Cub mascot, Ronnie "Woo Woo" Wickers. The evidence, according to Sosa, is overwhelming. "Have you ever seen Ronnie ... Read More

As you know, I love being right at the absolute forefront of all your base are belong to us internet memes, so when I saw that Google mining became popular about six months ago, I jumped right on that trend! Some of the things you can learn about people from their Google habits should not be learned. And ... Read More

I cannot get Mark McGwire out of my head. I felt his tears in the freezing rain last night. I see his pores in every bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. I remember his 62nd home run with every fat child I lift over my head. I won't be able to look at Ryan Dempster's ironic goatee ... Read More

No matter which cap he ends up wearing on his plaque, Andre Dawson will be the next Cub enshrined in the Baseball Hall of Fame. If you're like me, his induction might get you thinking about tonight's Friday Night Fukudome. VS. Ron Santo Sammy Sosa ... Read More

There are mysteries which men can only guess at, which age by age they may solve only in part. -Bram Stoker, Dracula Readers, what I am about to reveal my alarm you and offend your sense. It may chill your heart and shock you to your very core. But it is a tale that must be told. A tale ... Read More