Hire Jim Essian

I'm going to get around to posting the Photoshops from the other day. I'm also going to get around to the next entry on the T79. But occasionally there comes along an article so stupid, that it must immediately be addressed. Five times out of ten, that article is written by Phil Rogers. But the other ... Read More

So it was prophesied that in the fourth month of the 2011th year, there would be much wailing, renting of garments, and gnashing of teeth of the loss of the tiny little soul of Sam Fuld. Is there any doubt that the same people crying that Sam Fuld is no longer in Chicago would be the same people complaining ... Read More

Your worst nightmare has come true. You're in a room with no windows and no doors, and Ryan Dempster is doing George Bush impressions while black widow spiders crawl out of his eyes. ALSO, Sam Fuld is, apparently, THE BEST PLAYER IN BASEBALL! (HT: Pre) The formerly fat baby is leading the league in stolen bases with 7. ... Read More

Returning to the Muskbox after a long weekend of making fun of Gordon Wittenmyer makes me realize what's really important in life. And that's knowing that, no matter how many Matchbox cars I shove up my nose, I will never be the stupidest Cub fan on this green-and-blue marble we call Earth. Especially not with Gordon still out there. Okay, ... Read More

Has any player ever gotten more mileage out of a single catch than Sam Fuld has? I've heard Cubs fans speak less respectfully of Wilie Mays' catch. Sam Fuld strives to be David Eckstein, only in a less-useful position. However, since Jim Hendry decided to spend $34M on an outfield of platoon players, each week we have ... Read More

This week's Muskbox accomplishes a nearly impossible feat. It's unprecedented. An entire Muskbox passes without a single relevant question about an actual starting player on the Major League baseball club. How is that possible? Only the Muskbox knows for sure. Did I miss the big announcement on where the Cubs' future Spring Training site will be? -- Judy ... Read More

When we last left the Muskbox, she was spinning cliches, raising Ed Hartig from the dead, and boring us with contract information. This week's Muskbox goes Milton Bradley crazy, continues to pound the non-issue of Spring Training relocation, and sets a record for the longest Muskbox this once-innocent earth has ever known. After the 2008 season, there was an argument ... Read More

Last week, we left the Muskbox on a romantic beach stroll with Ryan Theriot. This week, she's dining with Jim Edmonds, praising Scotty Pods, and MURDERING LIVING THINGS. What are the chances of the Cubs looking hard at re-signing Reed Johnson now that Mike Cameron is with the Red Sox? Reed was an absolute asset when healthy. How about finding ... Read More

Or: How I Learned to Stop Caring About the Cubs and Hate Jim Hendry. It's almost official. Jim Hendry is about to pull off the most monumentally stupid trade since he traded for Steve Trachsel. It appears that Milton Bradley is headed to the Seattle Mariners in exchange for the amazingly terrible Carlos Silva. (HT: Dolan) ... Read More

I'm back from my little hiatus, and don't you for one second think the fact that the Muskbox is a week old is going to stop me from fisking it. Because it won't. Have the Cubs considered Fuld to play center field next year? Probably. But this is also a franchise who has considered the following players "able" to play ... Read More