Hire Jim Essian

If one day Barry Rozner came home to find a beautiful, naked, willing woman lying in his bed, he would yell at her for messing up the sheets. Leave it to Rozner to be the one person in Chicago to write something snarky about Kerry Wood's return. I understand Rozner doesn't write his own headlines, but you just ... Read More

Welcome back officially, Kerry Wood. You won't BELIEVE what happened while you were away. Aramis Ramirez got hurt fifteen times. Alfonso Soriano dropped...EVERYTHING. We still haven't won a playoff game. Milton Bradley. All of the catchers on our roster started "gettin' high," if that's what the kids are still calling it. The Muskbox got WORSE. Ryan Theriot became the new Mark DeRosa. The old Mark ... Read More

If you know me at all, you know I'll never let a good (or bad) meme die. As has become a bizarre sort of "tradition" around here, our old buddy Hitler has more to say about this year's Winter Meetings. SPOILER: He's not happy. About anything. I finally gave up after been beating my head against a wall for ... Read More

Sorry for the late Roundup. Thanks a LOT for dying, Ron Santo. Number ten will be missed. Not as much as your BROWSing tips would be if they suddenly disappeared, though. I regretted not having more time to celebrate Theriot's departure, but Dolan took care if it, anyhow. Bull Durham is awful, but I like how Rob Neyer's list ... Read More

This week's Muskbox sadly came out just before Ryan Theriot was traded to the Cardinals, natural enemies of the Cub. But that's okay. I suspect that next week's Muskbox is going to be absolutely epic in its garment-rending. But fisking duty calls. Marlon Byrd was awesome in center field this year. Did he get any votes for a ... Read More

If you were looking for an early Christmas present, you just found it. Ryan Theriot will take his invisible racecar to St. Louis, where he will likely be driving it drunk. This is the best thing that has happened to Cubs fans since the Reds hired Dusty Baker. The Cardinals just slipped from second place in the ... Read More

If you didn't know who Dave Niehaus was, that's because nobody really cares about anything that comes out of Seattle. But Niehaus was a Mariner staple, and one of the better broadcasters in the game. He died, too young, at the age of 75 this week. Rest in peace, Dave. Sometimes, when the darkness comes, I ... Read More

Oh, baby. After the hiring of Mike Quade over Ryne Sandberg last week, I could not WAIT for this week's Muskbox. The first question does not disappoint. I haven't seen so much hand-wringing since Koyie Hill tried to grind his own coffee beans. If you're not as excited about Quade vs. Sandberg, how about a little ... Read More

No, not the Cubs. The Blue Jays. The Jays are apparently going to interview Ryne Sandberg (and Joey Cora) for their managerial position. Sandberg is still in the running for the Cubs' job along with Mike Quade and, apparently, Joe Girardi. Quade should probably get the job. He's safe, he had the team playing well at the ... Read More

Thanks for all of the many tips that you sent in while HJE was on vacation. Though I didn't post all of them (there were a LOT), please don't let that stop you from sending them. I hope you survived a couple of Fridays actually working. I'll try not to let that happen again. Happy belated anniversary Bartman ... Read More