Hire Jim Essian

I apologize for the tardiness of the Muskbox. I was under the weather yesterday and reading this week's Muskbox could have only made matters worse. Why? Well, because it spends a significant amount of time fretting about the hurt feelings of Ryan Theriot. And that's- That's- Excuse me. /runs to bathroom With Ryan Theriot having gone ... Read More

Oh, happy day! Today is the first official day of the rest of your 2010 Cubs season. Why are we celebrating that? I don't know. Will this season be as difficult to watch as last season? Probably. Are our hopes at least down, meaning tickets will be easier to find? Hopefully. If ... Read More

I cannot get Mark McGwire out of my head. I felt his tears in the freezing rain last night. I see his pores in every bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. I remember his 62nd home run with every fat child I lift over my head. I won't be able to look at Ryan Dempster's ironic goatee ... Read More

Since "everyone" on the "staff" at HJE has managed to achieve social perfection, "we" decided to (not really) ask for the New Year's resolutions of your favorite Cubs (including new Cub Marlon Byrd). And your least favorite Cubs. And some other people. Jim Hendry: Sign a player to a deal for fewer than three years that doesn't include ... Read More

Oh, dear. In one offseason, we lose Mark DeRosa, and now folk hero Jake Fox is no longer a Cub! (HT: Luis) For whom will ridiculous Cubs fans blindly root? What will they do? I guess they could just celebrate the fact that Aaron Miles is no longer a Cub, either. One midget middle ... Read More

Yesterday was a glorious day if you're a Cubs fan, a Notre Dame fan, and a fan of Chip Caray getting leprosy. I am all three of those. Charlie Weis' removal as the head football coach at Notre Dame was expected, but Chip Caray's dismissal from TBS was a pleasant surprise (thanks to all who alerted me to ... Read More

I'm back from my little hiatus, and don't you for one second think the fact that the Muskbox is a week old is going to stop me from fisking it. Because it won't. Have the Cubs considered Fuld to play center field next year? Probably. But this is also a franchise who has considered the following players "able" to play ... Read More

We live in an unstable world. Each day, we walk out our front doors not knowing what the day has in store for us. Will our car die on the way to work? We will make it to work without avoiding an accident? If we make it to work safely, will our job still be there? ... Read More

Ooo! A late-night Friday Night Fukudome! Why? Because we're discussing the issues of hitting coaches who just so happened to be around when their pupils turned into roided-up freaks. CONTROVERSIAL! Put the kids to bed, then come back and satisfy your bloodlust as our two competitors fight to the death in the Fukudome. VS. Rudy Jaramillo Jeff Pentland ... Read More

What's all that buzz around Wrigley Field today? Why, that is the crowd of people gathering in anticipation of the announcement that the Cubs have hired Rudy Jaramillo to be their new scapegoat hitting coach. Rudy had been the hitting coach for the Texas Rangers since the time before Kurt Cobain found out what buckshot tasted like and ... Read More