Hire Jim Essian

Growing up as a pure left-handed baseball player, my options on the field were limited. I was primarily a first baseman, though I did have my fair share of opportunities in the outfield and one ill-advised stint behind home plate (Why do they even SELL left-handed catcher's mitts?). I've come to accept the fact that there are really only five positions on a baseball diamond for left-handers. The latest Muskbox has not yet accepted the same fact. Even more amazingly, someone finally asks a good question, and it's followed up with NO ANSWER. Muskbox, away!

A lot of the things I was hoping would happen during the 2012 season are happening. Marlon Byrd is gone. Ryan Dempster is pitching his way right off the Cubs. Starlin Castro is proving that he's just going to keep hitting. Darwin Barney is way less annoying this year. Pat Hughes got to honor Ron Santo by yelling, "Back to back jacks!" last night. Dale Sveum hasn't done anything overtly stupid so far.

The always-informative Muskbox is back after a busy end to Spring Training. Since Carrie hasn't had to write up many Cub wins so far, she's been busily answering your most probing questions. You're about to get probed by the Muskbox. MIND PROBED.

I sure hope you enjoyed the two full days that you were able to celebrate Ron Santo's begrudging acceptance into the National Baseball Hall of Fame. As of today, it means absolutely nothing. The Baseball Writers' Association of America just awarded Tim McCarver the Ford C. Frick Award for EXCELLENCE IN MAJOR LEAGUE BROADCASTING. That's as ludicrous as Ron Santo getting inducting into the Hall of Fame for excellence in Major League broadcasting.

As if people weren't already aware that Hall of Fame voting is the stupidest, most arbitrarily biased, most narcissistic exercise in all of sports, Ron Santo was finally voted into the Hall of Fame this week, one year after it means anything. If you believe in an afterlife, I guess you can appreciate that Santo is clicking his heels together with two fleshy legs and a full, natural head of hair. If you don't, you are probably telling the Baseball Writers Association of America and the Veterans Committee to go fuck themselves. And you are utterly justified in doing so.

At long last, Theo Epstein and Jed Hoyer are officially official, and you can stop worrying that the Cubs would discover some way to screw up their hiring. The MLB can also stop worrying that the "contentious negotiations" between the Cubs and the Red Sox was distracting everyone from watching the World Series. This is how stupid Bud ... Read More

The 2011 season ground to a merciful halt yesterday. In a beautiful display of symmetry, it ended much the same way it started, with Ryan Dempster walking everyone in the park, serving up a grand slam, and losing to a shitty team. In case you missed the past six months of baseball, the Cubs didn't make the playoffs ... Read More

There is a very real and sad possibility that last week's Muskbox may be the last one of the season. Meaning they will certainly address those last remaining questions you have about the Cubs. All of the important stuff, like HOW DID THE CUBS FARE WITH RUNNERS IN SCORING POSITION IN 2000??? The Muskbox is nothing if ... Read More

The Comment of the Week comes from the Muskbox, which is a gold mine of comments from not only stupid questioners, but also the HJE faithful. This week's comment has a little of both! In regards to one of the Muskbox questions, Eric commented as follows: "I was at the Cubs game Aug. 9 in Pittsburgh. In the first inning, Darwin ... Read More

One of the joys of being unself-employed is the fact that I can disappear on a whim and go salmon fishing in Wisconsin at the drop of a hat. So, I'm doing that. Fishing. Not dropping my hat. I'm going to try to get the BROWSing up, but don't count on it, as it will almost ... Read More