Hire Jim Essian

To quote Tyler Durden, "You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else." If only the Ricketts were aware that the only thing unique about the product they're peddling is the fact that it's the most futile sports franchise in all of professional sports. ... Read More

Color me surprised that the Ricketts family actually realized that it's better to pay Carlos Silva $11.5M to NOT play for their team than to play for their team. After the Cubs cut the huge, gelatinous blob from the team, Silva continued making a strong case that maybe Milton Bradley WASN'T the biggest asshole in that trade. Certainly ... Read More

It has finally happened. After reading the dumbest of the dumb questions submitted by Cubs fans to the Muskbox, her brain has finally snapped in twain. And now, they're coming to take her away to the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time, and she'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean ... Read More

I'm back from my little hiatus, and don't you for one second think the fact that the Muskbox is a week old is going to stop me from fisking it. Because it won't. Have the Cubs considered Fuld to play center field next year? Probably. But this is also a franchise who has considered the following players "able" to play ... Read More

You are in for quite a treat, loyal Muskboxers. I am pretty certain that this week's Muskbox contains the most long-winded narrative answer to ever pour from the bun-based pencil of Carrie herself. I've been reading that the Tigers are putting Curtis Granderson on the trade block. What are the chances the Cubs lure him to Chicago? -- Robert B., Chicago That ... Read More

Did anyone catch the pregame show before World Series Game 5 last night? Jorge Posada was being interviewed, and he said, "It's been since 2000 since we won the World Series, so I think the fans have waited long enough." Fuck you. With that, here's this week's Muskbox. How much influence does the Ricketts family have on the ... Read More

If you watched the press conference announcing the new Cub family ownership this afternoon, you might have noticed something a little strange about the Ricketts family. That something is that THEY ALL LOOK EXACTLY ALIKE. So, let's put two of them into the Fukudome. VS. Pete Ricketts Tom Ricketts ... Read More