Hire Jim Essian

Here's a not-at-all-funny story of my life that has absolutely no payoff. In 2001, I was a starry-eyed high school teacher with two hundred dollars in my savings account, and not a care in the world. Including the educational futures of CHILDREN. In the midst of finals week, my brother-in-law called me on my Motorola i90c cellular phone (with push-to-talk functionality!) and asked if I wanted to go to the Cubs-Cardinals game at Wrigley Field that night. "But, brother-in-law," I said. "Surely, all of the tickets for tonight's game are sold out!"

So, Mike Quade is off to a pretty good start as interim manager. He's won three games in a row and swept the mighty Nationals. Wow! I'm sooooooo impressed. What were the Nationals? 53-71 going into Monday night's game? And they had to face whom? Livan Hernandez? Hell, that guy was practically ... Read More

I'm going to guess that this is going to incense some of you. Others are going to read it, pull a Bob Sugar, and say, "Finally, someone said it!" Some of you will question my baseball acumen. Others will say, "Hey, maybe Kermit wears a diaper for a reason other than his stupidity." But I think ... Read More

So, Carlos Zambrano went out and beat the Reds even after chewing his gum so hard that he cracked a molar? I'm not sure if that's badass or completely ridiculous. Either way, the magic number is at 30 with 35 games left to play. So, even if the Brewers win out, all we have to do is ... Read More

Section 242 sent me a link to a story about Rick Sutcliffe's battle with colon cancer. I'm sure he and his family could use the prayers. Good luck, Rick. You're one of my favorite Cub pitchers of all time, and a guy with whom I'd like to share a beer. ... Read More