Hire Jim Essian

Okay, so Lou is out of town and didn't get a chance to do the Roundup this week. I apologize. I have some good tips from all of you, and Lou will use them if not sometime this weekend, then for next week's Roundup. I apologize if you were productive today. Tips, as always, can go ... Read More

Last week, I was worried that Ryan Dempster was developing Jason Marquis Disease. If you're unfamiliar with JMD, it occurs when you're a starting pitcher who gives up just enough runs for your team to lose. So, if the Cubs score 8, you're busy giving up 9. If they score 1, you just allowed a two-run homer. ... Read More

You know that old adage, "If you can't laugh at yourself, then you suck"? I have to give credit to Carrie for not sucking today. (HT: James) Good one, Carrie. We're one step closing to you fisking one of the Muskboxes, and then I'll have to fisk that, and we'll just keep passing the same article ... Read More

Did you almost turn off the TV Friday night when Aramis Ramirez went down? Did you curse, in the following order: (1) God, (2) Jim Hendry, and (3) Barry Rozner? I spent most of Saturday thinking about how screwed the Cubs are. Losing Aramis for any significant period of time is way worse than losing Carlos Zambrano. ... Read More

What's better than having Dolan do a guest Muskbox? Well, getting back-to-back Muskboxes, of course! It's like last week's Muskbox is scissoring this week's Muskbox in a loving- ah, forget it. That's fucking gross. Let's just dive into this week's nightmare. I can assure you that it is terrible, as I noticed an awful, awful ... Read More

I've been at some strange Cubs games in my life. I was at the game in 2000 against the Dodgers when some enterprising Cubs fan nearly incited a riot by swiping the hat off the head of Chad Kreuter while Kreuter was seated in the Dodger bullpen. I was at the game against the Rockies in 2001 when ... Read More

For some reason, the Muskbox is mercifully short this week. Maybe Care Bear had something better to do. Like train her flying monkeys to attack that bitch from Kansas. Away we go. I haven't been able to follow the Cubs' spring as much as I'd like to, being on the East Coast, but what are Koyie Hill's chances ... Read More

Before I forget, Kermit wanted me to let you all know that we've already filled two divisions of Neifiball, and are looking for eight more players to fill a third. If we fill a third, we'll add a fourth. If you're interested in playing, e-mail Kermit HERE and write "NEIFIBALL" in the header. Second, how about the ... Read More

I was inexplicably watching a few innings of the Dominican Republic-Panama game in the World Baseball Classic last night, and one of the ESPN Bottom Line's items was a "list" of the top three fantasy pitchers on the decline. The number one pitcher was Carlos Zambrano. Now, I'm not one to give ESPN any sort of credibility when it comes ... Read More

Happy Ash Wednesday, you silly Catholics. I'm sure half of you have already broken your Lenten resolutions, so let's hope the Cubs fare better with theirs. As always, HJE used its insider access to ask the Cubs (and some former Cubs), "What are YOU giving up for Lent?" LOU PINIELLA: "Losing playoff games." RYAN DEMPSTER: "Fake vomit." TED LILLY: ... Read More