Hire Jim Essian

Carrie is getting wilier as the eternal struggle between HJE and the Inbox rages on. Her latest ploy was to move the Muskbox to Thursday night. The only explanation that can possibly be is that she knows that Sweet Uncle Lou owns Friday's at HJE. But fear not. For every one of Carrie's thrusts, I have ... Read More

Did anyone catch the pregame show before World Series Game 5 last night? Jorge Posada was being interviewed, and he said, "It's been since 2000 since we won the World Series, so I think the fans have waited long enough." Fuck you. With that, here's this week's Muskbox. How much influence does the Ricketts family have on the ... Read More

At the Mathematical Elimination Party this Saturday, one of my friends told me she was rooting for the Cardinals to win the World Series. "Why the hell would you do that?" I asked. "Because you have to root for the NL Central when your team gets eliminated," she replied. "Why the hell would I do that?" I ... Read More

After a loooooong hiatus, the Muskbox has finally returned to half-answer all of your dumbest questions about the Cubs! The Muskbox is one of the few things that keeps me going during the offseason, so here's hoping that this is the first in a streak of many successful and hilarious fall and winter Muskboxes. CARRIE: It's been tough to ... Read More

No, not really. It's just our old pal David Kaplan at it again! Russ Kelly pointed out Kaplan's latest Cubs fix entitled, "The Cubs Need to Sign the #1 Free Agent This Winter." Hey, give Kaplan some credit for the headline. There isn't a single exclamation point in the entire thing. Sorry about the infrequency ... Read More

Oh, Jim Hendry. For a guy with what appears to be the correct number of chromosomes, you sure don't understand baseball very well. Here we are on September 1st and, just as I suspected, you are still pretending that your mediocre team can make the postseason. In case you were wondering, Jim, Baseball Prospectus has you at ... Read More

Earlier this week, both Rich Harden and Aaron Heilman were claimed by other teams off waivers. Clearly, Harden is the better pitcher, and I think I can speak for most Cubs fans when I say I would love to have him back next year. However, trading Harden to a team desperate for pitching could reap a large reward ... Read More

Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. I'm going to staaaaaaaab this team in the eyyyyyyyyyeballs. And I smell like one, too. If I had one birthday wish, it would be that I would wake up tomorrow morning and realize this whole "managing the Cubs" thing was just a nightmare and that I was still ... Read More

Okay, it's reality-check time. Even if the Cardinals go one game under .500 for the rest of the way, they'll finish 88-74. For the Cubs to reach 88 wins, they'll have to go 28-17, a .622 winning percentage. Unlikely, since they're playing .513 baseball this year and are in danger of getting swept by a terrible 51-70 ... Read More

Except for the fact that no one on the team got their foot caught in a bear trap, last night's game was pretty close to the perfect summary of the 2009 season so far, wasn't it? Not only was Rich Harden was perfect until the sixth inning, but he had looked brilliant in striking out six Phillies in his ... Read More