Hire Jim Essian

The worst part about the offseason is having to waste time talking about Cubs players who aren't actually a part of the team. Players like, oh, say, Tony Campana, Hayden Simpson, and Brett Jackson. Now that the 2012 season is in full swing, and we have actual, meaningful baseball to discuss, GUESS WHO THIS WEEK'S MUSKBOX WANTS TO DISCUSS???

I have an inescapable, unexplained disdain for Randy Wells. It's a powerful force that has survived both his bad years and his good. Wells strikes me as a less-talented Matt Clement. He has that Clement manner of looking over his shoulder at the bullpen whenever the going gets rough. He's a converted catcher, meaning he was an absolute failure at the plate. He's also a Rule 5 draft guy, and the track record of those guys is, with a few notable exceptions, overwhelmingly bad. HE'S ALL THE BEST PARTS OF MATT CLEMENT, RAFAEL DOLIS, AND DAVID PATTON! So, when Pre told me this morning that the Cubs may be actively shopping Wells, I was excited.

Another week brings the dawn of another Muskbox. All things are relevant to the Muskbox, even those things that go unanswered. Which is most things. But you have to keep TRYING, you know? Most of what I have been reading says the Cubs will not pick up Aramis Ramirez's club option and instead pay him the $2 million ... Read More

It's an unprecedented week for the Muskbox. For once, there are more answers than questions. More tit than tat. More John Grabow jokes than zero. And, most importantly, injury reports! It's everything you dreamed the Muskbox could be before you woke up in a cold sweat, terrified that you're dreaming about the Muskbox. It's the culmination ... Read More

It would appear that James Russell is not capable of filling in for either Andrew Cashner or Randy Wells. Hell, tonight's performance aside, Ryan Dempster isn't capable of filling in for them, either. Since it's insane to repeat the same thing over and over and expect different results, there's really no reason that Mike Quade shouldn't throw a ... Read More

Well, shit. It was all happy times that the Cubs escaped Spring Training without a single injury. It was even happier times when they made it through one relatively nice turn through the rotation. And now the two guys who had the best starts of any of them are headed to the DL. (HT: Pre) According to ... Read More

You're so predictable, Cubs fans. More predictable than the Cubs losing the first two games of every single series. More predictable than Randy Wells getting lit up in the first inning. More predictable than Ryan Theriot swinging at a first pitch. The five people who are still watching Cub baseball all wrote in to the Muskbox ... Read More

Signs appear to be pointing toward Tom Gorzelanny getting demoted to the bullpen once Carlos Zambrano returns to the rotation. Randy Wells, however, has a fair amount of experience as a reliever, he's right-handed, and he just got lit up by the Cardinals this afternoon. Fukudome! VS. Tom Gorzelanny Randy Wells ... Read More

Forget the fact that the Cubs have managed to score four runs in two games against one of the worst pitching staffs in the National League. Forget the fact that last night's starter, Charlie Morton, dropped his ERA by 2.27 runs to 10.30 by pitching against your hapless Northsiders. Forget that John Grabow is getting paid $2.7M this ... Read More

Ted Lilly's impending return to the Cubs has prompted two questions. "Which starter will get bumped from the rotation and into the bullpen?" and "How stupid will Jon Heyman's suggestion regarding the first question be?" The answers are "either Tom Gorzelanny or Carlos Silva," and "Stupider than Ryan Theriot trying to explain gravity." In his latest column (HT: Pre), ... Read More