Hire Jim Essian

Before Angel Guzman was around to tempt Cubs fans with his seemingly-limitless potential and seemingly-glass musculoskeletal structure, a skinny kid from the Dominican Republic rocketed through the Cubs' minor league system. By the time he was 21 years old, Juan Cruz looked and pitched like an old wise man. Cruz teased Cubs fans in the spring with his ... Read More

Face facts. You're not doing anything tonight. So you should tune in to the MLB Network at 7:00 CT to watch Game Seven of the 1960 World Series between the Yankees and Pirates. (HT: Pre) I don't want to spoil the ending, but if you hate the Yankees, you MIGHT want to tune in. ... Read More

I think I'm having a Cub mid-life crisis. I had no idea who the Cubs were playing last night until I logged on to MLB At-Bat to watch highlights from Stephen Strasburg's debut. I wasn't surprised to learn that the Cubs had suffered another one-run loss to another terrible team. I can't remember the last time I ... Read More

Forget the fact that the Cubs have managed to score four runs in two games against one of the worst pitching staffs in the National League. Forget the fact that last night's starter, Charlie Morton, dropped his ERA by 2.27 runs to 10.30 by pitching against your hapless Northsiders. Forget that John Grabow is getting paid $2.7M this ... Read More

It's been a while since Jason Schmidt was considered an elite MLB pitcher. It's also been a while since the last time Schmidt pitched against the Chicago Cubs. Coincidence? Yes. But that doesn't make Jason Schmidt any less deserving of being named the 53rd biggest Cub Killer of my time. Jason Schmidt was selected by the Atlanta ... Read More

After a loooooong hiatus, the Muskbox has finally returned to half-answer all of your dumbest questions about the Cubs! The Muskbox is one of the few things that keeps me going during the offseason, so here's hoping that this is the first in a streak of many successful and hilarious fall and winter Muskboxes. CARRIE: It's been tough to ... Read More

Because Tony Womack was the starting shortstop on the World Champion 2001 Diamondbacks, it's sometimes easy to forget how terrible he actually was in his 13 seasons as a Major League Baseball player. It's probably far easier to forget how terrible he was if you're a Cubs fan. After all, when Womack wasn't busy killing the Cubs from ... Read More

In what has become an annual tradition around the trade deadline, the Cubs have apparently once again dipped into their AAA team in Pittsburgh, calling up John Grabow and Tom Gorzelanny. (HT: TDubbs) Eh. They're both bullpen lefties, an area in which the Cubs are lacking once Sean Marshall gets used. Apparently, Gorzelanny cost them Kevin ... Read More

If there's one thing I hate more than people who are famous just for being famous, it's already-famous people who try to be doubly famous for things at which they absolutely suck. Like Michael Jordan playing baseball. Or Shaquille O'Neal rapping. Or Russell Crowe acting. Number 58 of the Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time ... Read More

In this week's Muskbag, we are once again reminded that Cubs fans are idiots who are clueless about the rules of baseball and are obsessed with bad players. If they LOSE 97 games next year, will some of these dimwits go away? I heard that Veal was picked by the Pirates in the Rule 5 Draft. What exactly does that ... Read More