Hire Jim Essian

The Muskbox is generally a non-hilarious mix of the same four questions over and over again. WHY DID THE CUBBIES GIVE UP ON KERRY WOODS??? WHY ISN'T MICAH HOFFPOWER GETTING MORE PLAYING TIME??? WHY WON'T THE CUBS TRADE FOR ADAM DUNN??? WHAT TIME IS THE GAME ON JUNE 23RD??? But this week's Muskbox accomplishes a first. And I mean "first." EVERY SINGLE QUESTION is about first base. ... Read More

Everyone's crying about the length of games, from Joe West to Bud Selig. Not me. I wish the MLB had longer commercial breaks and mound visits. That way, I wouldn't have to come running out to argue a call in mid-piss. Oh, well. I got a lot of great tips this week. Keep them ... Read More

If there's one thing that's absolutely infuriating about the Cubs, it's their mystifying inability to hit left-handed pitching. No, scratch that. If there's one thing that's absolutely infuriating about the Cubs, it's their 102-year championship drought. Number two is the other thing with the left-handers. A couple of offseasons ago, when Jim Hendry decided to make ... Read More

Our good friend Hitler is back, and he's not too happy to hear that Aramis Ramirez is hurt. ... Read More

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a Cubs blog. But yesterday, the Bears acquired Jay Cutler, arguably the best quarterback they've ever had. Who knew he was so jacked? And who knew a Google image search for "Jay Cutler" would yield such surprising results? Anyhow, Roundup time. Rick Morrissey is, of course, pissed about the best trade ... Read More

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know your Friday mornings are oh-so-bright thanks to the Roundup, and I'm late. Why don't you cry about it? That will make everything okay. Here's your Roundup: Paul Bako's hot spring has made us ever so torn about who should be the backup catcher. Do we take the guy who plays like all ... Read More

For some reason, the Muskbox is mercifully short this week. Maybe Care Bear had something better to do. Like train her flying monkeys to attack that bitch from Kansas. Away we go. I haven't been able to follow the Cubs' spring as much as I'd like to, being on the East Coast, but what are Koyie Hill's chances ... Read More

So help me God, until yesterday, I had absolutely no clue that Luis Rivas was on the team. I tried to write "Divas" on the lineup card, and this little twerp runs out there to play. Oh, well. I'll let the little guy hang out until we sign, like, Jose Offerman, or someone. That will probably ... Read More

Is this the most boring Spring Training ever? The only "position battles" we have are Mike Fontenot vs. Aaron Miles for second base and Sean Marshall vs. a giant pile of crap for fifth starter. No controversy makes Spring Training about as interesting as an Alan Trammell press conference. Ha ha ha! Seriously. Tedious. ... Read More

Did people seriously miss the Muskbag so much that it's back? And did they really think they'd fool us by changing the name from "Mailbag" to "Inbox"? All it takes is a simple name change, Carrie. Your old Muskbag is now the Muskbox. And that is worse. So, here we go. I'm curious why the Cubs ... Read More