Hire Jim Essian

Hello Cub fans and friends! It's been awhile since I took the time to post anything but my comment of the week. Let's be honest. Following the Cubs the past couple seasons has been as fun as following the Chicago Blackhawks during the 2004-05 season. But I appear today to pay homage to said Blackhawks, who can claim the Stanley Cup ... Read More

Okay, sad sacks. Since I know you really only follow this team to complain about us, I have some bad news for you. We might not be as terrible as you think we are. Everyone was saying this stretch of games against the Phillies, Rangers, Dodgers, and Cardinals was going to kill us. We're 5-3 so ... Read More

Three games into the season, and the only guy in the starting lineup who doesn't have a hit is our leadoff "hitter." Do you hear those footsteps, Ryan Theriot? No, they're not Starlin Castro's. They're mine. I'm running down the hallway to the clubhouse to kick your ass. Your Roundup tips are always read and ... Read More

I would have liked to have had the Roundup done earlier, and I wish I would have made it funnier, but was up all night responding to the hate mail I get from stupid CHICAGO. Thank you, as always, for your tips from around the interweb. Your best bet is to deliver them here. Lord knows if ... Read More

At long last, social networking has paid off. Ozzie Guillen has a Twitter feed. It's just as enlightening as you could expect it to be with tweets like, "what I saw on the field today was a lot of grass..." But what truly amazed me was that Guillen actually truly doesn't understand English. I always assumed ... Read More

I don't have too much interest in the World Series this year. The Phillies were just in it last year, and it feels like the Yankees are always in it, even when they aren't. But I will be tuning in to Game Two of the World Series tonight. Long time Yankee nemesis Pedro Martinez is taking the ... Read More

Welcome to the merciful final weekend of the season. I can't honestly recommend watching us finish up the season against a bad Diamondbacks team, so instead I'll suggest that you pay attention to the only pennant race left. Kermit has made no secret of his unabashed love for the Minnesota Twins. I can hardly blame him. All of ... Read More

Quick. What's the dumbest thing you've ever thought? Was it something like, "Man, The Matrix is really deep," or "Green Day's music really speaks to me"? When you thought it, did you immediately feel shame and embarrassment for the idea even entering your mind? Or did you blurt out what you thought, perhaps in a room ... Read More

I hope you idiots didn't forget that today is National Doughnut Day, so make sure you thank those great men and women who fought in the Doughnut Wars. I was a bit hungover under the weather earlier, so I apologize for the late Roundup. I sure hope you didn't get any work done this morning, or anything. Geovany Soto ... Read More

So, wait, you Catholics are forced to eat meat now, right? Or you have do drink blood, or something? Well, whatever you have to do, have fun doing it. Mike D. sent me this picture of our cars getting dropped off at Wrigley. I'm not sure why they needed a truck. They should have just ... Read More