Hire Jim Essian

Here's a not-at-all-funny story of my life that has absolutely no payoff. In 2001, I was a starry-eyed high school teacher with two hundred dollars in my savings account, and not a care in the world. Including the educational futures of CHILDREN. In the midst of finals week, my brother-in-law called me on my Motorola i90c cellular phone (with push-to-talk functionality!) and asked if I wanted to go to the Cubs-Cardinals game at Wrigley Field that night. "But, brother-in-law," I said. "Surely, all of the tickets for tonight's game are sold out!"

Billy Wagner has had a very long, very successful MLB career. Wagner was half of a lethal back end of a Houston Astros bullpen in the early '00s. Wagner saved games behind setup man Octavio Dotel. He's saved quite a few of them in his sixteen seasons. 422, to be precise. He might be stuck ... Read More

The further removed we get from the Milton Bradley suspension, the angrier I get at both sides. Milton Bradley is a raging asshole who brought all of his made-up woe upon himself. But Jim Hendry's reaction to Bradley's latest antics is infuriating as well. But if Tom Ricketts knows what he's doing, the Bradley suspension should be ... Read More

I've been at some strange Cubs games in my life. I was at the game in 2000 against the Dodgers when some enterprising Cubs fan nearly incited a riot by swiping the hat off the head of Chad Kreuter while Kreuter was seated in the Dodger bullpen. I was at the game against the Rockies in 2001 when ... Read More

I'm going to guess that this is going to incense some of you. Others are going to read it, pull a Bob Sugar, and say, "Finally, someone said it!" Some of you will question my baseball acumen. Others will say, "Hey, maybe Kermit wears a diaper for a reason other than his stupidity." But I think ... Read More

So help me God, until yesterday, I had absolutely no clue that Luis Rivas was on the team. I tried to write "Divas" on the lineup card, and this little twerp runs out there to play. Oh, well. I'll let the little guy hang out until we sign, like, Jose Offerman, or someone. That will probably ... Read More

You finally get a Godfather quote and it's from Godfather III. How does THAT feel? Anyhow, I saw the Muskbag was back, and I couldn't let that aggression go unchecked. I noticed that Ryan Dempster is eligible to become a free agent this offseason. Are the Cubs going to re-sign him? Who else is eligible for free agency? -- Steve ... Read More

Thank God these Muskbags are a weekly affair. If they weren't, we would have had to listen to three ivy questions in one Muskbag instead of listening to one ivy question each of the last three weeks. PROGRESS! Time for the Muskbaggery: My husband and I had an argument about the outfield positions. I think he's just a ... Read More