Hire Jim Essian

Growing up as a pure left-handed baseball player, my options on the field were limited. I was primarily a first baseman, though I did have my fair share of opportunities in the outfield and one ill-advised stint behind home plate (Why do they even SELL left-handed catcher's mitts?). I've come to accept the fact that there are really only five positions on a baseball diamond for left-handers. The latest Muskbox has not yet accepted the same fact. Even more amazingly, someone finally asks a good question, and it's followed up with NO ANSWER. Muskbox, away!

With "Play Ball!" Day rapidly approaching, fluff pieces about bunting tournaments and Alfonso Soriano leading off are giving way to real news. Like Ryan Dempster getting another Opening Day start despite Matt Garza being a far better pitcher, comedian, and human being.

I offer you this submission. Never has there been a more hate-worthy Cub shortstop than Ryan Theriot. Not Jeff Blauser. Not Neifi Perez. Not Alex Gonzalez. Not Ronny Cedeno. All of those guys were terrible, but they either had some redeeming moments (Gonzalez), were hated solely because of misuse (Perez), were harmless simpletons (Cedeno), ... Read More

Travel back in time with me, if you will, to a time before the Cubs' "Cajun Connection" of former Louisiana State University players Ryan Theriot and Mike Fontenot. Years before that cute moniker was first used to describe the diminutive middle infielders, the Cubs had a GRITTY second baseman with beard stubble and a Tiger pedigree of his own. ... Read More

If you're a former player for the Chicago Cubs, it's been a rough week for you. Unless you're Ivan DeJesus or Bob Dernier. Or Mike Fontenot and Shawon Dunston. But if you were one of the most powerful offensive players in the history of Cub baseball, you were either unceremoniously dumped, or no one craved the bat ... Read More

When I don't have a rooting interest in the World Series, I generally root for the National League to beat up on the "better" league. Consequently, I found myself rooting for the Giants this fall. Tim Lincecum is fun to watch. A portly Juan Uribe waddled away with some big moments. Buster Posey is living the ... Read More

The Muskbox must be in late-season crunch mode. It appears that all of your stupid questions will be answered in the order in which they are received. If you would just please form an orderly line behind the man in the mask, Carrie will field each question in turn, starting with those in this week's Muskbox. If ... Read More

This week's Muskbox answers all of your late-season questions. But who will answer MY late-season questions, such as, "Why the hell does anyone have late-season questions?" Or, "When does the late season mercifully transmogrify into the offseason?" Muskbox AWAY! Reading one of your blog posts about salaries, you said... I'm going to stop you right there. Your dangling ... Read More

After this week's trade of Mike Fontenot to the San Francisco Giants, the Cubs have rid themselves of both members of the stupidly-named "Cajun Connection." Which former LSU double play teammate will you miss most of all, Scarecrow? VS. Mike Fontenot Ryan Theriot ... Read More

I thought the Cubs had officially given up on non-ridiculous promotional giveaways when they gave out Mia Hamm jerseys or bobbleheads or ovaries, or whatever they gave out when Nomar Garciaparra was a Cub. But if you have the pleasure of going to today's game against the Oakland A's, you might be the recipient of this brilliant bobblehead doll ... Read More