Hire Jim Essian

If you thought that this week's Muskbox would ask whether or not Greg Maddux will be the next Cubs pitching coach, say another sooth, give yourself a gold star, and prepare for your weekly reminder of why you're embarrassed to be a Cubs fan. And, if you're NOT so embarrassed, thank you for your contributions to the Muskbox this week. Now that ... Read More

The Muskbox is generally a non-hilarious mix of the same four questions over and over again. WHY DID THE CUBBIES GIVE UP ON KERRY WOODS??? WHY ISN'T MICAH HOFFPOWER GETTING MORE PLAYING TIME??? WHY WON'T THE CUBS TRADE FOR ADAM DUNN??? WHAT TIME IS THE GAME ON JUNE 23RD??? But this week's Muskbox accomplishes a first. And I mean "first." EVERY SINGLE QUESTION is about first base. ... Read More

Leave it to the Muskbox to consistently answer the questions that you never knew you had. The questions that, were you a detective, you would need a search warrant to find. Because they would be written over and over again in the horrifying journals of the madman you've spent the better part of your life hunting. Questions ... Read More

Folks, we have reached a new low, even by Muskbox standards. Someone actually took the time to write in and complain about Starlin Castro. Starlin is currently sporting an excellent .328/.386/.469 line. As Dolan recently pointed out, he has reached base at least once in every single game he's played. All seventeen of them. He ... Read More

Ahoy, there, Cubs fans! I hear a fair number of you are considering jumping ship after your manager inexplicably moved one of his best starters to the bullpen. Well, far be it from me to try to sway you one way or another, but up here in Minnesota, we have a new ballpark, one of the most exciting ... Read More

It's Tax Day, and I'm having a shitty one. What better time to turn my glower to this week's Muskbox? None. None better time. Get your Tyler Colvin boners out, because they're about to get a rubdown. Why did the Cubs sign Marlon Byrd? To play center field. Next question, asshole. They have Tyler Colvin, who is big ... Read More

Just when you think the Cubs have wised up and are going to start making good decisions, such as the one to release Kevin Millar and keep Chad Tracy, they do something stupid. For example, hire Millar to be their roving minor league hitting coach. Millar presumably will spend the majority of his time with the AAA Cubs, where I ... Read More

Our latest installment of the Muskbox commits a fallacy of the undistributed middle, frets over the career of Micah Hoffpauir, and throws a wild kegger in Vinton, Iowa! Join me, won't you, on our weekly excursion into the minds of the mentally-impaired? Why don't the Cubs just go ahead and let Castro open the season at shortstop and move Ryan ... Read More

Hey, Milton. What's up, man? Listen, I wanted to talk to you about something. I know you have a really rough life, what with a busy travel schedule necessitated by the fact that you play baseball for a living. And I know it's sometimes probably tough to figure out who your friends are when you have ... Read More

I'm going to go ahead and give Carrie some credit. She may pick ludicrous questions to answer. She may pick decent questions and completely fail to answer them. And she might get her facts wrong sometimes. But at least she doesn't make stuff up, which makes her a better journalist than Burnt Sienna and Playgirl. ... Read More