Hire Jim Essian

I suspect that there will be a significant number of Cubs fans as pissed about Aramis Ramirez signing with the Brewers as some Cardinals fans were about Albert Pujols signing with the Angels. I suspect that because I'm not a dumbass, and I know there are stupid fans of every single professional team in sports. Unlike Mark DeRosa and Ryan Theriot, Aramis Ramirez deserves and should get a standing ovation the first time he returns to Wrigley Field in a Brewers jersey. Sadly, he'll probably be booed. Don't be those fans.

The 2011 season ground to a merciful halt yesterday. In a beautiful display of symmetry, it ended much the same way it started, with Ryan Dempster walking everyone in the park, serving up a grand slam, and losing to a shitty team. In case you missed the past six months of baseball, the Cubs didn't make the playoffs ... Read More

There is a very real and sad possibility that last week's Muskbox may be the last one of the season. Meaning they will certainly address those last remaining questions you have about the Cubs. All of the important stuff, like HOW DID THE CUBS FARE WITH RUNNERS IN SCORING POSITION IN 2000??? The Muskbox is nothing if ... Read More

Before we dive knuckles-first into this week's Muskbox, it's my duty to point out that tickets to tonight's compelling Cubs-Reds matchup are currently selling for ONE DOLLAR AND FORTY-EIGHT CENTS on StubHub. (HT: Ned Ryerson) If you've been waiting to see Rodrigo Lopez pitch, NOW IS YOUR CHANCE. SIDE NOTE: Anyone need two tickets for tonight's game? Face ... Read More

It's an unprecedented week for the Muskbox. For once, there are more answers than questions. More tit than tat. More John Grabow jokes than zero. And, most importantly, injury reports! It's everything you dreamed the Muskbox could be before you woke up in a cold sweat, terrified that you're dreaming about the Muskbox. It's the culmination ... Read More

Prepare for a glimpse into the writing of the Muskbox. When a new Muskbox crosses my feed reader, I excitedly open it and immediately cut-and-paste the content of the Muskbox into a new draft post. I don't like to read ahead, because I like my reactions to be like YOUR reactions when you read this nonsense. So, ... Read More

This week's Muskbox sadly came out just before Ryan Theriot was traded to the Cardinals, natural enemies of the Cub. But that's okay. I suspect that next week's Muskbox is going to be absolutely epic in its garment-rending. But fisking duty calls. Marlon Byrd was awesome in center field this year. Did he get any votes for a ... Read More

The Muskbox is generally a non-hilarious mix of the same four questions over and over again. WHY DID THE CUBBIES GIVE UP ON KERRY WOODS??? WHY ISN'T MICAH HOFFPOWER GETTING MORE PLAYING TIME??? WHY WON'T THE CUBS TRADE FOR ADAM DUNN??? WHAT TIME IS THE GAME ON JUNE 23RD??? But this week's Muskbox accomplishes a first. And I mean "first." EVERY SINGLE QUESTION is about first base. ... Read More

This week's Muskbox answers all of your late-season questions. But who will answer MY late-season questions, such as, "Why the hell does anyone have late-season questions?" Or, "When does the late season mercifully transmogrify into the offseason?" Muskbox AWAY! Reading one of your blog posts about salaries, you said... I'm going to stop you right there. Your dangling ... Read More

Hey, Marlon Byrd survived the All-Star Game, and Joey Votto is somehow pissed about that. I'll tell you who DIDN'T survive the All-Star Game. George Steinbrenner. Seriously, he didn't. Tips, as always, are wrapped in swaddling clothing and raised as my own. Roundup time. There are many ways to ruin a relationship. Just ask Anita. ... Read More