Hire Jim Essian

I need to get a quick confession off my chest right up front here. When I was a kid, I loved Mark McGwire. I don't know if it was because he was a first baseman like me, because his team had actually won a World Series in my lifetime, or because I felt bad that he was a ... Read More

Can you believe it's been only three years since Tony LaRussa was arrested for having no idea how many letters were in the English alphabet, nor which order in which they are arranged? It feels like so much has happened since then. Except for the Cubs winning a postseason game. Or Mark McGwire's skin clearing up. ... Read More

Well, you can tell it's almost spring. Guzman is already hurt, I've already mistaken Theriot for the batboy, and Dempster and Millar are already annoying the shit out of me. I guess it's nice to be back, but if they change this clown suits we have to wear in the spring one more time, so help me God, ... Read More

I love when Lou Piniella says stuff, preferably into microphones. When Lou came out in support of Mark McGwire a month ago, I thought he was full of crap. This week, he confirmed it. In case you missed it, Lou suggested that Cubs fans will forgive McGwire for taking steroids. Lou hasn't been more wrong since ... Read More

As you know, I love being right at the absolute forefront of all your base are belong to us internet memes, so when I saw that Google mining became popular about six months ago, I jumped right on that trend! Some of the things you can learn about people from their Google habits should not be learned. And ... Read More

I cannot get Mark McGwire out of my head. I felt his tears in the freezing rain last night. I see his pores in every bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. I remember his 62nd home run with every fat child I lift over my head. I won't be able to look at Ryan Dempster's ironic goatee ... Read More

I was a little worried about Carrie after last week's Muskbox. After all her talk about Milton Bradley, I assumed he had come to life and captured her, especially when we didn't see her at Kitty O'Shea's Friday night. But, sure enough, the Muskbox is too dumb to even realize it is mortal. Who will be the Cubs leadoff ... Read More

If you were too busy listening to that mutant Mark McGwire cry about how nobody understands what it's like to make millions of dollars by drowning oneself in a sea of steroids, you missed some big Cubs news. In what will likely be the best move the Cubs have made since Jim Hendry used the pen from his doctor's ... Read More

Congressional Hearing on Steroids: Take Two REP. HENRY WAXMAN: We are here to discuss the issue of steroid abuse in Major League Baseball. With us, we have retired player Mark McGwire- MARK MCGWIRE: McGwire SMASH!!! McGwire raises his gargantuan arms over his head and brings them down on the table in front of him, spilling a pitcher of water, and ... Read More

Now that Andre Dawson is going to be inducted into the Hall of Fame, the war is on (HT: David Chalk). Will he wear a Cubs hat on his Cooperstown plaque, or an Expos hat? I vote for no hat at all, and just let that sweet Jheri curl fly. We're happily back to a normal Roundup ... Read More