Hire Jim Essian

The 2011 season ground to a merciful halt yesterday. In a beautiful display of symmetry, it ended much the same way it started, with Ryan Dempster walking everyone in the park, serving up a grand slam, and losing to a shitty team. In case you missed the past six months of baseball, the Cubs didn't make the playoffs ... Read More

Everyone who has watched Carlos Silva pitch or eat has gotten sick to his stomach. The pitching part continued today, as Silva gave up eight runs in the third inning to the Angels. Presumably, Aramis Ramirez just stood over at third base and laughed his ass off. For a franchise that didn't have any qualms about throwing actual, productive ... Read More

This week's Muskbox answers all of your late-season questions. But who will answer MY late-season questions, such as, "Why the hell does anyone have late-season questions?" Or, "When does the late season mercifully transmogrify into the offseason?" Muskbox AWAY! Reading one of your blog posts about salaries, you said... I'm going to stop you right there. Your dangling ... Read More

There is no more satisfying sound after a terrible baseball season than the flip of a coin and the gleeful shout of "HEADS!" College football is back to take your mind off the fact that we are a mere ten games away from postseason elimination. If all goes perfectly, that means you officially won't have to watch us ... Read More

So, Mike Quade is off to a pretty good start as interim manager. He's won three games in a row and swept the mighty Nationals. Wow! I'm sooooooo impressed. What were the Nationals? 53-71 going into Monday night's game? And they had to face whom? Livan Hernandez? Hell, that guy was practically ... Read More

In a move which will almost certainly pave the way for the Ryne Sandberg Era, Lou Piniella announced today that he will retire after this season. Selfishly, I am less devastated about losing one of the most-successful managers in Cub history than I am about the death of Sweet Uncle Lou's Friday Roundup. DAMN YOU, PINIELLA!!! Anyhow, Lou's current .531 winning ... Read More

It's Tax Day, and I'm having a shitty one. What better time to turn my glower to this week's Muskbox? None. None better time. Get your Tyler Colvin boners out, because they're about to get a rubdown. Why did the Cubs sign Marlon Byrd? To play center field. Next question, asshole. They have Tyler Colvin, who is big ... Read More

Look, maybe Mark McGwire did some stuff right, and maybe he did some stuff wrong. Who's to say? Not me, not the Hall of Fame voters, and not anyone who has a memory of longer than about a week. Don't forget to come out to Shitty O'Kea's at 8:00 tonight, and don't forget, as always, to send ... Read More

You know me. I can't resist a good (or terrible) meme. Thanks, as always, for all the great links. The Roundup took forever because of all of them (which is a good thing). Keep 'em coming. Lots to get to, so enjoy wasting the rest of your Friday with this week's Roundup. In case you missed ... Read More

Why is Kermit lying again? Click HERE to find out. In game two of the Diamondbacks' three-game series at Wrigley Field, Cubs fans booed former Cub and current Diamondbacks' announcer Mark Grace for failing to get out of the fourth inning. A confused Gordon Wittenmyer desperately tried to accuse Cubs fans of being racist, finally uncovering Mark Grace's Native ... Read More