Hire Jim Essian

The worst part of the 2007 playoffs was not the Cubs getting meekly swept in three games by the Arizona Diamondbacks. It wasn't Carlos Marmol spitting the bit in the 7th inning of Game One. It wasn't Ted Lilly slamming his glove to the ground in frustration after serving up a go-ahead, three-run bomb to Chris Young in Game Two. It wasn't even Mark DeRosa grounding into a double play with a 3-1 count, two men on, and the Cubs trailing by two in the 5th inning. No, the most infuriating part of the 2007 playoffs was watching Jose Valverde dancing and preening off the mound at the end of Game One, Game Two, and Game Three. That is why Jose Valverde is the 9th-biggest Cub Killer of My Time.

Look! Up in the air! It's a middle infielder nearly as short as the ones the Cubs love collecting! It's an average second baseman who put up average numbers against most of the teams in the National League! It's a tiny little guy who mysteriously starting slamming home runs, but then shrunk and couldn't stay ... Read More

Just last night, I was discussing the absurdity of the Mark DeRosa love that even the San Francisco Giants had for the scruffy utility dope. I was amazed at how the Giants pretended he was instrumental to their World Series Championship despite the fact that he played only 26 games and had only 93 at-bats with them in 2010. ... Read More

The Muskbox has been a real moving target over the last few weeks. Maybe the grind of the season is too much to keep on a regular schedule. Maybe the Chicago Public Library is redoing the Dewey Decimal System. Maybe the spring "Schoolmarm's Charms" catalog came out. I don't know. But I do know that ... Read More

My brain is still reeling over yesterday's decision to send Carlos Zambrano to the bullpen. Whether you love Zambrano (like Dolan) or don't (like me), you'd be a total fucking idiot to like this idea. In the Zambrano post, paintersix (sorry to pick on you) said, "I think it's a terrible idea but .....if it works were all ... Read More

Where were you on March 9, 2007? Were you still celebrating the non-firing "firing" of Dusty Baker and the hiring of Lou Piniella? Were you toasting Juan Pierre's departure from the North Side of Chicago? Were you excited about the budding friendship between pitcher Carlos Zambrano and catcher Michael Barrett? The acquisitions of Alfonso Soriano and ... Read More

Well, well, well. The two greatest baseball players in Chicago history are finally united in San Francisco. The Giants' signing of Mark DeRosa unites the stubbly heartthrob with Aaron Rowand, who made ladies swoon over the "run face-first into a wall" move before Reed Johnson thought of it. Thus, the 2010 Giants became an unstoppable juggernaut. ... Read More

We live in an unstable world. Each day, we walk out our front doors not knowing what the day has in store for us. Will our car die on the way to work? We will make it to work without avoiding an accident? If we make it to work safely, will our job still be there? ... Read More

Is anyone else actually sort of enjoying the playoffs so far this year? After the Cubs were promptly eliminated for the last two years, you couldn't pay me to watch the postseason. This year, without the stress of knowing that the Cubs were lurking in the shadows waiting to sock us in the balls, my interest in the ... Read More

Thank you, Matt Holliday. Thank you so very much for last night. Sure, it may sound like sour grapes to laugh at the misfortunes of the Cardinals. And it most certainly is. There will be Cardinals fans saying things like, "Well, at least our team MADE the playoffs!" And they can go fuck themselves. ... Read More