Hire Jim Essian

I sure hope you guys enjoyed our brief stay at .500. Because the Rockies are actually kind of good. Oh, and we're still missing 40% of our starting rotation. And Jeff Samardzija is still on the team. Pitching in Colorado should be F-U-N! But the big news of the week is Barry Bonds managing to avoid a ... Read More

The further removed we get from the Milton Bradley suspension, the angrier I get at both sides. Milton Bradley is a raging asshole who brought all of his made-up woe upon himself. But Jim Hendry's reaction to Bradley's latest antics is infuriating as well. But if Tom Ricketts knows what he's doing, the Bradley suspension should be ... Read More

Originally, the title of this Roundup was going to be something about Geovany Soto having the munchies. But then Soto was upstaged by the death of the King of Pop, Michael Jackson. So, instead, it's time for a tribute song. As always, tips, hints, and suggestions for the Roundup are welcome. Beat Us, sung to the tune of ... Read More

Fair warning. If you like Todd Hundley or any of the Hundley clan, you probably shouldn't read the following story. Everyone still with me? Okay, good. I had to share this nugget sent in by a reader which- Well, I'll just let the story speak for itself. Yesterday i went to the cubs game with a ... Read More

Exactly how stupid do you have to be to accuse Ryan Theriot of being on steroids? Theriot would hold his hands way up over his head, stand up on his tiptoes, and say, "THIS STUPID!" As it turns out, you only have to be Rick Telander stupid. Telander's article isn't even worth fisking, particularly since he basically says, "Thanks ... Read More

Another week, and as far as I know, no one in the clubhouse has swine flu. Just to avoid a scare, we've started calling "flu-like symptoms" what they really are: hangovers. That said, I'm day-to-day this weekend from "hangover." But I'll muscle up and give you your precious Roundup, because I'd hate for you to do work ... Read More

As a favor to me, and because he's secretly in love with Carrie Muskat, Andy Dolan of Desipio takes his swings at the dumbest Q&A this side of Dave Kaplan's show. This week's Muskbox will be covered in due time. Last week, the Kerms were in lovely Mexico where they routinely vacation. They go there for two reasons. ... Read More

So help me God, until yesterday, I had absolutely no clue that Luis Rivas was on the team. I tried to write "Divas" on the lineup card, and this little twerp runs out there to play. Oh, well. I'll let the little guy hang out until we sign, like, Jose Offerman, or someone. That will probably ... Read More

Is this the most boring Spring Training ever? The only "position battles" we have are Mike Fontenot vs. Aaron Miles for second base and Sean Marshall vs. a giant pile of crap for fifth starter. No controversy makes Spring Training about as interesting as an Alan Trammell press conference. Ha ha ha! Seriously. Tedious. ... Read More

This week's Muskbag somehow manages to revisit Rich Hill. No one revisits Rich Hill. Rich Hill isn't even going to have visitors at his house for Thanksgiving. But the Muskbag has all the Rich Hill coverage you could possibly want. I've been hearing that the Cubs are trying to shop Kosuke Fukudome. I'm not sure why they're trying ... Read More