Hire Jim Essian

Well, well, well, well, well. I never really got a proper good-bye before my abrupt August departure. That didn't bother me, but I'm sure you twerps were crying about it. I see a lot has happened since I've been gone. Quade got hired. Sandberg got pretend-fired. And Essian still can't get a goddamn interview. ... Read More

I don't know if it's intentional or not, but I think Carrie is trying to hide the Muskbox from me. It's come out on Thursdays the past few times. You know the Weekly BROWSing happens on Friday, Carrie, you clever minx. Conspiracies aside, This week's Muskbox sics the DEA on Jim Hendry and Ryne Sandberg, continues Starling Castro's NL ... Read More

This week's Muskbox answers all of your late-season questions. But who will answer MY late-season questions, such as, "Why the hell does anyone have late-season questions?" Or, "When does the late season mercifully transmogrify into the offseason?" Muskbox AWAY! Reading one of your blog posts about salaries, you said... I'm going to stop you right there. Your dangling ... Read More

There is no more satisfying sound after a terrible baseball season than the flip of a coin and the gleeful shout of "HEADS!" College football is back to take your mind off the fact that we are a mere ten games away from postseason elimination. If all goes perfectly, that means you officially won't have to watch us ... Read More

Lou Piniella is smarter and luckier than you are. He doesn't have to watch this crap anymore. Lou's last game in a Cub uniform will be this afternoon, as he is off to help care for his mother, who has been in poor health. Sadly, thanks to the terrible team he was given, Lou's managerial career ends ... Read More

Okay, so it's more like "Today at 1:20..." but the message is still the same. Derrek Lee is no longer a Cub, but, hey, at least John Grabow is out for the season. Remember him? Remember how he pitched for a while there? Sure you do. Not a whole lot of tips to be had ... Read More

Well, here we are. Forty-seven games left. Each one of them more depressing than the last. Why do we go on? For the potential glory of finishing in fourth place with the highest payroll in one of the worst divisions in the National League. THAT'S WHY! Your Roundup tips are like vodka at a ... Read More

Good afternoon, Cubs fans! We take a brief break from HJE's active campaign for me to be the Chicago Cubs' next manager to look back on one of the highlights of the Jim Essian era. It's the 19th anniversary of my win over Lou Piniella and his Cincinnati Reds that I chronicled well enough for you three years ago. Today's even ... Read More

In a move which will almost certainly pave the way for the Ryne Sandberg Era, Lou Piniella announced today that he will retire after this season. Selfishly, I am less devastated about losing one of the most-successful managers in Cub history than I am about the death of Sweet Uncle Lou's Friday Roundup. DAMN YOU, PINIELLA!!! Anyhow, Lou's current .531 winning ... Read More

Hey, Marlon Byrd survived the All-Star Game, and Joey Votto is somehow pissed about that. I'll tell you who DIDN'T survive the All-Star Game. George Steinbrenner. Seriously, he didn't. Tips, as always, are wrapped in swaddling clothing and raised as my own. Roundup time. There are many ways to ruin a relationship. Just ask Anita. ... Read More