Hire Jim Essian

Oh, hey. Ted Lilly is back. I almost forgot about him. The left-hander's return means that one of his teammates is DL-bound. Everyone hopes it will be Aaron Miles, but I predict that Aramis Ramirez's face will melt off. Lilly will start the first game of a West Coast road trip consisting of three games ... Read More

Maybe I'm just annoyed with how the weekend series has gone so far. Maybe it's because it seems like Todd Helton hits .800 against the Cubs. Maybe it's because such piles of shit as Neifi Perez, Aaron Miles, Shawn Estes, and Dusty Baker have associations with NL West teams. Maybe it's because of the outcome of the ... Read More

I've been at some strange Cubs games in my life. I was at the game in 2000 against the Dodgers when some enterprising Cubs fan nearly incited a riot by swiping the hat off the head of Chad Kreuter while Kreuter was seated in the Dodger bullpen. I was at the game against the Rockies in 2001 when ... Read More

I'm going to guess that this is going to incense some of you. Others are going to read it, pull a Bob Sugar, and say, "Finally, someone said it!" Some of you will question my baseball acumen. Others will say, "Hey, maybe Kermit wears a diaper for a reason other than his stupidity." But I think ... Read More

So help me God, until yesterday, I had absolutely no clue that Luis Rivas was on the team. I tried to write "Divas" on the lineup card, and this little twerp runs out there to play. Oh, well. I'll let the little guy hang out until we sign, like, Jose Offerman, or someone. That will probably ... Read More

Hey, stupids. This week's Friday Roundup is going to go CRAZY and have a theme. What have we learned from two Spring Training games? Sometimes revenge is NOT a dish best served cold. Milton Bradley isn't going to last fifty games. The Brewers are going to be horrible. MLB: The Show is going to be awesome (thanks to Joe for the link). When ... Read More

EDIT: It's come to my attention from my good friend PAUL SULLIVAN (through Dolan) that Carrie Muskat's father recently passed away. I know I have my fun at Carrie's expense on a weekly basis, but mine and I hope your thoughts and prayers are with the Muskat family in their time of grief. Oh, hey, I forgot to say ... Read More

The only time I read Bleed Cubbie Blue is when someone on Desipio links it. For someone on Desipio to link it, the writing must be worse than normal. So when I saw a link to the hilariously stupid "Building A Cubs Champion: Introducing Your 2009 Chicago Cubs" I had to click it. I now fully understand ... Read More

Every time I do my stomach the disservice of reliving the Cubs' three-game sweep at the hands of the mighty, mighty 84-78 Dodgers, one word keeps floating to the surface of bile in my throat. Pathetic. Just pathetic. The Cubs aren't a kicked dog. At least a kicked dog has a chance of putting up a fight. They're a ... Read More

Oh, Dick Stockton. You and your horrible enunciation. You guys know I don't EVER use hyperbole, but the first two games of this series ARE THE WORST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED. But, you want some positives? Here you go: Carlos Zambrano was really good Thursday night. Rich Harden and Ted Lilly are by far the best 3-4 ... Read More