Hire Jim Essian

Was all of Dwight Gooden's 16-season MLB career reality, or was it just a figment of the imagination in the drug-addled mind of a user? No, it was reality. A reality that Cubs fans would just as soon forget. He grew up in a Tampa, Florida town, had a good-looking mama, and a papa who was around. ... Read More

OBSERVE WHAT I DID IN THE TITLE! Don't forget about tonight's madness at Shitty O'Kea's, starting around 8:00ish, and ending when either they or we run out of booze. Your BROWSing tips are what make me want to go to another Convention with a pasted-on, horrifying smile on my face. So, keep them coming. I doubt anyone will ... Read More

You know me. I can't resist a good (or terrible) meme. Thanks, as always, for all the great links. The Roundup took forever because of all of them (which is a good thing). Keep 'em coming. Lots to get to, so enjoy wasting the rest of your Friday with this week's Roundup. In case you missed ... Read More

Hello, kids! I'm all giddy today, because I'm getting ready for our three-game sweep of the Cardinals, now that they lost THE MOST IMPORTANT PLAYER TO ANY TEAM IN MLB HISTORY. I hope you guys have picked a different Cardinals player to standing ovate this weekend. If you haven't, may I suggest Todd Wellemeyer? He "played ... Read More

So, wait, you Catholics are forced to eat meat now, right? Or you have do drink blood, or something? Well, whatever you have to do, have fun doing it. Mike D. sent me this picture of our cars getting dropped off at Wrigley. I'm not sure why they needed a truck. They should have just ... Read More

So help me God, for my entire childhood I thought Lenny Dykstra had no teeth. The guy's mouth was blacker than a kid with braces eating Oreos. I did know one thing, though. I knew that every time "Nails" came up against the Cubs, he was going to be a huge pain in the ass for whichever ... Read More