Hire Jim Essian

Okay, everyone ignore baseball until the Blackhawks are done winning the Stanley Cup. That's what I'm going to do. If you want to read about hockey, check out Hockee Night or Second City Hockey. If you want to read about baseball, you're probably chained to a bedframe right now with your testicles wired to a car battery. ... Read More

Ah, spring in Chicago. The air is crisp, the birds are chirping, there is love horny desperation in the air. I hope you enjoyed your week of nice weather while you were sitting at your desks, Chicagoans. It's going to be a chilly weekend. Be sure to snuggle up with your favorite porn. Roundup tips ... Read More

Hope you had a nice fucking Labor Day. Of course the ultimate fucking irony is that you don't even work in the first place. What the fuck do you need a day off for? So I got a message for you cocksuckers--you 15% of the fuckin� Internet who bleat like a bunch of unemployed fucking lambs whenever ... Read More

Hi gang! Jim "Skip" Essian here, checking in with you just before the pennant race gets any more uninteresting. You see, the Cubs are pulling away from Milwaukee and St. Louis, threatening to make September moot. The Cubs close August with 13 games after going 11-4 in their first 15. Ten of the final 13 are at home (three are ... Read More

All right, the day's getting late. It's been a real great fucking day. They're really fucking behind you here(/fucking sarcasm). But I don't want this fucking day to be such a complete fucking waste of time. Uncle Lee's been watching your fucking team and he's gotta say--this is not your typical band of jobless cocksuckers. I ... Read More

All right all you cocksuckers. Mean Uncle Lee's feeling a little less "mean" today. After picking up my Dunkin Donuts morning fucking coffee and fucking apple fritter today, I'm nice and chilled-the-fuck-out. It so happened that I was offered a fucking opportunity to share some of the fucking wealth with all of you jobless cocksuckers, and so ... Read More

All right listen up you jobless cocksuckers, because Uncle Lee's only got this one day to keep you motherfuckers on the stick. Since you jerkoffs can't seem to find any way to find consistent fucking work, it's up to motherfuckers like me, in the other 85 per cent, to keep you cocksuckers entertained. I don't know what's worse--being an unemployed ... Read More

Holidays are fun. Before the festivities get started today, I'd like to say that I've always admired Lee Elia and felt bad for him getting scorched like he did. And he was right. Not in the 15%/85% split--although that's funny--but in what he said about his team's ability, when he insisted that the Cubs--dormant for a ... Read More

Despite my desires to ignore the whole thing, it looks like Tuesday's 25-year anniversary of Lee Elia's rant is going to be shoved down all of our throats. Might as well embrace it. Who had a better Cub meltdown? Elia or Lou Piniella? You be the judge. ... Read More