Hire Jim Essian

If you're interested in all things Geovany Soto, Brett Jackson, and Adrian Cardenas, well, this week's Muskbox is right up your alley! Also, if you're still hankering for chat about Koyie Hill, you're absolutely mental. But Carrie has answers to all the questions that you were frightened to ask. Except for questions about sex. Those questions are sick and wrong, and you're getting a little old for them, quite frankly.

The Muskbox rarely promises things to us commoners. All we're guaranteed is the occasional laugh, the frequent facepalm, and the knowledge of new places across the globe like...Terre Haute? But this week's Muskbox brings the promise of more frequent Muskboxes! It's the gift that keeps on giving, even when you desperately wish it would stop so you ... Read More

The Muskbox is back with a robustness that was lacking last week. It's also unreasonably back on a Thursday. I politely asked if Carrie would reconsider, but she hasn't gotten back to me yet. Oh, well. Will this week's Muskbox answer the question of why Jim Hendry inexplicably declared Jeff Baker untouchable? Will it declare Carlos Marmol ... Read More

Our good friend PAUL SULLIVAN reported yesterday that the Cubs were wearing "F**K THE GOAT!!!" t-shirts to warm-ups. And, sure enough, he got picture evidence for us. Sullivan wonders if some fans will be up in arms that the Cubs are screwing around during a losing season. Not me. I'm more annoyed that the Cubs are ... Read More

After a weirdly busy week, I'm refreshed, enthusiastic, and ready to tackle these last few Spring Training games. In case you haven't noticed. And, judging by ticket sales, you haven't. The season starts in 11 days. God help me, I'm getting excited about it. Perhaps because I'm sober for the first time since Thursday. ... Read More

I figured the Cubs were going to bring back backup catcher Koyie Hill, but did anyone have the return of Reed Johnson on their radar? Presumably, the Cubs were without a grizzled scrapper willing to run face-first into a brick wall and able to grow a foot-long beard in an eight-hour time frame. So, is this now the Cubs' 25-man ... Read More

If Mike Quade wanted to endear himself to Cubs fans, perhaps he should have avoided using the same unoriginal rallying cry that the infuriating Dusty Baker used during the 2003 season. "Why not us?" asked Quade at his introductory press conference. Well, Mike, I think I can take a crack at that. You don't have a first ... Read More

Well, I'm back, like it or not. The trip was outstanding, THANKS A LOT FOR ASKING. Rather than spending fourteen hours powering through thousands of unread feeds, I wiped my feed reader as soon as I got back in town. If there was a Muskbox in there, it is lost to the ages. There was, however, ... Read More

Now that some of the Blackhawks hysteria has worn off, it's time to focus on America's pastime. THE WORLD CUP! Unless you'd rather be watching Ryan Theriot lead off, you should probably get on the soccer bandwagon. USA! USA! USA! Your blue-blooded American tips can be sent here. Some of those tips end ... Read More

This week's Muskbox has done something so amazingly meta, that it's hard to believe it's not on purpose. It's a Muskbox about a blog. Now, are you ready for this? Here's where it gets even funkier. You're about to read another blog mock the Muskbox about being about a blog. Take a few deep breaths ... Read More