Hire Jim Essian

The interwebs are all aflutter about the possibility of the Cubs playing their home games in U.S. Cellular Field throughout the 2013 season. Why? Because the internet is full of lunatics. Despite what Theo Epstein and Jed Hoyer say about the 2012 season being a "building" not a "rebuilding," it's a rebuilding. They're not going to be good. Don't get me wrong, I'm likely going to watch more Cubs games this season than I have in the past two seasons combined. I'm excited to watch a team that's been so drastically revamped. I'm loving this offseason, so I'll say it right now. The only thing that would make Theo's first season in Chicago a bigger success would be if they finally admit that putting Band-Aids on Wrigley Field isn't going to work. Rebuild the team; rebuild the park.

The 2011 season ground to a merciful halt yesterday. In a beautiful display of symmetry, it ended much the same way it started, with Ryan Dempster walking everyone in the park, serving up a grand slam, and losing to a shitty team. In case you missed the past six months of baseball, the Cubs didn't make the playoffs ... Read More

Well, it's still Jim Hendry day, and old Jim made a few good moves during his time. No question, however, the two best moves he made were (1) trading Bobby Hill, Matt (hee hee!) Bruback, and Jose Hernandez to the Pittsburgh Pirates for Aramis Ramirez and Kenny Lofton; and (2) trading Hee Seop Choi to the Florida Marlins for ... Read More

Your two favorite terrible Iowa Cubs both hit home runs today. Tony Campana's was an inside-the-park scamper for his first (and almost definitely last) career home run. Tyler Colvin's was a shot to right field that came just moments after Bob Brenly was saying he hoped Colvin would hit a bomb. Let's Fukudome these bastards. VS. Tony Campana Tyler Colvin ... Read More

It's a sad night for the Friday Night Fukudome. This is the first night since the inception of the Fukudome that Kosuke Fukudome is not a Cub. Though the Fukudome will live on, the other Fukudome is now forced to commit seppuku. SAD. All you dopes that were crying for Tyler Colvin, well- Be careful ... Read More

It's an unprecedented week for the Muskbox. For once, there are more answers than questions. More tit than tat. More John Grabow jokes than zero. And, most importantly, injury reports! It's everything you dreamed the Muskbox could be before you woke up in a cold sweat, terrified that you're dreaming about the Muskbox. It's the culmination ... Read More

It's been a long time, folks. I've missed you. And, okay, this SEEMS like a no-brainer. We're revisiting the Silva-Bradley trade. Shit has happened. It's a little bit later. Milton Bradley whipped a glass at a girl's face, which is just about the most-unacceptable thing a human man can do. However, Carlos Silva ... Read More

Returning to the Muskbox after a long weekend of making fun of Gordon Wittenmyer makes me realize what's really important in life. And that's knowing that, no matter how many Matchbox cars I shove up my nose, I will never be the stupidest Cub fan on this green-and-blue marble we call Earth. Especially not with Gordon still out there. Okay, ... Read More

By the time you're reading this, I'll be pre-gaming the Cubs Convention with Dolan and TDubbs. God, that's sad. Anyhow, two things of note in this week's FNF. First, it's surprisingly difficult to find a picture of a fat guy in sweatpants on the internet, so I spared your eyes and gave you a Friday night treat. ... Read More

No, you're not freaking out. It's Sunday night. Deal with it. It's a simple FNF this week. Except, of course, for the inherent complexity of it being posted on Sunday night. VS. Matt Garza Carlos Pena ... Read More