Hire Jim Essian

Kevin Millar is still in Mesa with the Cubs. If you're a Cubs fan, this is not good. Each day Millar doesn't have a red tag in his locker puts him a day closer to wearing white pinstripes in Wrigley Field. Every time Jim Hendry opens his mouth, he shoves animal fat in it. But through ... Read More

Ah, spring in Chicago. The air is crisp, the birds are chirping, there is love horny desperation in the air. I hope you enjoyed your week of nice weather while you were sitting at your desks, Chicagoans. It's going to be a chilly weekend. Be sure to snuggle up with your favorite porn. Roundup tips ... Read More

I didn't get around to the Muskbox last week because of the emotional and mental toll from ripping Milton Bradley. I could- nay, should allow myself a break from the Muskbox madness. But that wouldn't be fair to you. Instead, you get a double shot of Muskbox with a chaser of failure. And I die on ... Read More

(Ed. Note: This post was all set to go up on Wednesday. And then Milton, in one of the most appropriately-timed tantrums of all time, decided to throw the good people of Chicago under the bus AGAIN. Thanks, Milton, for being the rule that proves that there is absolutely nothing exceptional about you.) The three-year anniversary of HJE ... Read More

Has any player ever gotten more mileage out of a single catch than Sam Fuld has? I've heard Cubs fans speak less respectfully of Wilie Mays' catch. Sam Fuld strives to be David Eckstein, only in a less-useful position. However, since Jim Hendry decided to spend $34M on an outfield of platoon players, each week we have ... Read More

With each passing day that doesn't end with Kevin Millar getting sewn into a burlap sack and tossed into a reservoir, I get more and more nervous that he is going to end up making this team. There is absolutely no logical reason for this. Millar is terrible, he is offensive to at least four of my senses, ... Read More

Our latest installment of the Muskbox commits a fallacy of the undistributed middle, frets over the career of Micah Hoffpauir, and throws a wild kegger in Vinton, Iowa! Join me, won't you, on our weekly excursion into the minds of the mentally-impaired? Why don't the Cubs just go ahead and let Castro open the season at shortstop and move Ryan ... Read More

Oh, Jim Hendry. Just when you had me excited about the Xavier Nady signing and the Chad Tracy signing, you do something silly, like sign Kevin Millar. There is likely no way this move will affect the Major League club. Millar sucks and likely can't outplay, well- anyone. If he makes his way to Chicago, the ... Read More

The only time I read Bleed Cubbie Blue is when someone on Desipio links it. For someone on Desipio to link it, the writing must be worse than normal. So when I saw a link to the hilariously stupid "Building A Cubs Champion: Introducing Your 2009 Chicago Cubs" I had to click it. I now fully understand ... Read More

After Ryan Dempster and Kevin Millar spent their Spring Training verbally sparring through the media, HJE decided what better way to settle this once and for all than Dempster/Millar point/counterpoint? HJE: Allowing Wanna-Be Comedians to Play Public Grabass Since 2008. POINT: With our offense still clicking on all cylinders, even with the loss of Alfonso Soriano and with Derrek ... Read More