Hire Jim Essian

Somewhere in the MLB Network studios, Sean Casey is still running out a double that he hit in 2006, his last year in the National League Central. That double was likely hit against a Cub pitcher. You see, the pudgy, slow-footed, affable Sean Casey did some of the best work of his 12-season career against the Chicago Cubs. ... Read More

It would appear that James Russell is not capable of filling in for either Andrew Cashner or Randy Wells. Hell, tonight's performance aside, Ryan Dempster isn't capable of filling in for them, either. Since it's insane to repeat the same thing over and over and expect different results, there's really no reason that Mike Quade shouldn't throw a ... Read More

Another year of Muskboxing begins with a bang. Not a fun bang. More like a, "Seeing some dude bang your sister" bang. If the Muskbox were to resolve one thing this year, well, that would be one more thing that they resolved in all of the collective years prior to this year. And that would be ... Read More

You're getting a late Fukudome because Rozner's steamer which I fisked below has enraged me. As you are aware, Kerry Wood turned down a two-year deal with the White Sox only to sign a dirt-cheap, one-year deal with the Cubs. Why? Because Kerry Wood is the man you would encourage your girlfriend to sleep with. Ryan Theriot, on ... Read More

If one day Barry Rozner came home to find a beautiful, naked, willing woman lying in his bed, he would yell at her for messing up the sheets. Leave it to Rozner to be the one person in Chicago to write something snarky about Kerry Wood's return. I understand Rozner doesn't write his own headlines, but you just ... Read More

Welcome back officially, Kerry Wood. You won't BELIEVE what happened while you were away. Aramis Ramirez got hurt fifteen times. Alfonso Soriano dropped...EVERYTHING. We still haven't won a playoff game. Milton Bradley. All of the catchers on our roster started "gettin' high," if that's what the kids are still calling it. The Muskbox got WORSE. Ryan Theriot became the new Mark DeRosa. The old Mark ... Read More

The Cubs are apparently close to signing Kerry Wood. I love the guy more than any Cub of the last ten years, and the fact that he scoffed at a two-year White Sox offer earlier this week makes me love him even more. However, I can't help but think of Major League: "I wish we had him five years ago." "We did." "Ten ... Read More

If you thought that this week's Muskbox would ask whether or not Greg Maddux will be the next Cubs pitching coach, say another sooth, give yourself a gold star, and prepare for your weekly reminder of why you're embarrassed to be a Cubs fan. And, if you're NOT so embarrassed, thank you for your contributions to the Muskbox this week. Now that ... Read More

What special brand of madness awaits us in this week's Muskbox? Will it find a place for Carlos Zambrano...AT FIRST BASE? Will the Muskbox play Robert Langdon as she unravels the mystery of the EX-CUB FACTOR? WHERE SHOULD WE SEND TYLER COLVIN'S WEDDING GIFTS??? Some of those questions may or may not be answered below. How is ... Read More

I hate the Yankees. This is not an original sentiment. There are millions of us. However, I have an unhealthy love for Yankee reliever Kerry Wood. Which leads me to the Fukudome. VS. Love of Kerry Wood Hatred of the Yankees ... Read More