Hire Jim Essian

This week's Muskbox answers all of your late-season questions. But who will answer MY late-season questions, such as, "Why the hell does anyone have late-season questions?" Or, "When does the late season mercifully transmogrify into the offseason?" Muskbox AWAY! Reading one of your blog posts about salaries, you said... I'm going to stop you right there. Your dangling ... Read More

Well he pitches 'round the world, and he acts like a vagina. He gets pissed off at his teammates when they don't drop to their knees. He vanished from the team after acting like a whiner. Tell me where in the world is Carlos A. Zambrano? Drill Jim Edmonds in his anus, make Michael Barrett cry Uncle, From St. Louis to Cincy, they're laughing their ... Read More

Ahoy, there, Cubs fans! I hear a fair number of you are considering jumping ship after your manager inexplicably moved one of his best starters to the bullpen. Well, far be it from me to try to sway you one way or another, but up here in Minnesota, we have a new ballpark, one of the most exciting ... Read More

Hello, insufferable Lost fans! I'm sure you're letting your geek flags fly this weekend in anticipation of the most highly-anticipated season of television since- Well, ever, probably. WILL the hydrogen bomb stop Flight 815 from ever crashing? WHY did Jacob run around touching little children? WHEN did Locke grow bigger boobs than Kate? HOW ... Read More

This week's Muskbox accomplishes a nearly impossible feat. It's unprecedented. An entire Muskbox passes without a single relevant question about an actual starting player on the Major League baseball club. How is that possible? Only the Muskbox knows for sure. Did I miss the big announcement on where the Cubs' future Spring Training site will be? -- Judy ... Read More

Last week, we left the Muskbox on a romantic beach stroll with Ryan Theriot. This week, she's dining with Jim Edmonds, praising Scotty Pods, and MURDERING LIVING THINGS. What are the chances of the Cubs looking hard at re-signing Reed Johnson now that Mike Cameron is with the Red Sox? Reed was an absolute asset when healthy. How about finding ... Read More

When the Cubs signed Jim Edmonds early in the 2008 season, what was your first reaction? Irrational hatred? Yeah, me too. Until he had a terrific 2008 season with the Cubs, I hated Jim Edmonds with every fiber of my being. As it turns out, my hatred was well-founded. Prior to his arrival in Chicago, ... Read More

Opening Day is finally here. Since you're all jobless losers, I assume you're going to be out drinking and watching the game tonight. And what's more fun than watching baseball and drinking? Why, watching baseball and BINGE drinking, of course! With that, here is your 2009 version of the Cubs Drinking Game. Play ball! ... Read More

This week's Muskbox answers those questions you've been dying to ask all offseason. Such as who is going to take over the Cubs' blogging duties now that THE PULSE is in Cleveland. Seriously. That's one of the best questions that was asked. Just watch: How closely is the performance of the players participating in the World Baseball ... Read More

EDIT: It's come to my attention from my good friend PAUL SULLIVAN (through Dolan) that Carrie Muskat's father recently passed away. I know I have my fun at Carrie's expense on a weekly basis, but mine and I hope your thoughts and prayers are with the Muskat family in their time of grief. Oh, hey, I forgot to say ... Read More