Hire Jim Essian

I kid you not. The new Muskbox image was barely altered. Yes, there was a giant amount of white space where the HJE logo now sits. I like to imagine when Carrie saw it, she let out an exasperated sigh. Anyhow, I love it, I have adopted it, and I am embracing it. I completely ... Read More

My brain is still reeling over yesterday's decision to send Carlos Zambrano to the bullpen. Whether you love Zambrano (like Dolan) or don't (like me), you'd be a total fucking idiot to like this idea. In the Zambrano post, paintersix (sorry to pick on you) said, "I think it's a terrible idea but .....if it works were all ... Read More

Ted Lilly's impending return to the Cubs has prompted two questions. "Which starter will get bumped from the rotation and into the bullpen?" and "How stupid will Jon Heyman's suggestion regarding the first question be?" The answers are "either Tom Gorzelanny or Carlos Silva," and "Stupider than Ryan Theriot trying to explain gravity." In his latest column (HT: Pre), ... Read More

It's Tax Day, and I'm having a shitty one. What better time to turn my glower to this week's Muskbox? None. None better time. Get your Tyler Colvin boners out, because they're about to get a rubdown. Why did the Cubs sign Marlon Byrd? To play center field. Next question, asshole. They have Tyler Colvin, who is big ... Read More

It's early in the season, but it's never too early to fire up the HATEWAGON. The Cub bullpen is, basically, split down the middle. GOOD: SeanBearPig Marshall, James Russell, Esmailin Caridad, Carlos Marmol GODAWFUL: John Grabow, Jeff Samardzija, Justin Berg They blew a late lead against the Braves the other night, and we won't even mention the Opening Day meltdown ... Read More

Three games into the season, and the only guy in the starting lineup who doesn't have a hit is our leadoff "hitter." Do you hear those footsteps, Ryan Theriot? No, they're not Starlin Castro's. They're mine. I'm running down the hallway to the clubhouse to kick your ass. Your Roundup tips are always read and ... Read More

I didn't get around to the Muskbox last week because of the emotional and mental toll from ripping Milton Bradley. I could- nay, should allow myself a break from the Muskbox madness. But that wouldn't be fair to you. Instead, you get a double shot of Muskbox with a chaser of failure. And I die on ... Read More

This week's Muskbox has done something so amazingly meta, that it's hard to believe it's not on purpose. It's a Muskbox about a blog. Now, are you ready for this? Here's where it gets even funkier. You're about to read another blog mock the Muskbox about being about a blog. Take a few deep breaths ... Read More

This week's Muskbox accomplishes a nearly impossible feat. It's unprecedented. An entire Muskbox passes without a single relevant question about an actual starting player on the Major League baseball club. How is that possible? Only the Muskbox knows for sure. Did I miss the big announcement on where the Cubs' future Spring Training site will be? -- Judy ... Read More

In this week's Muskbox, we speculate on Jeff Samardzija's sexual perversions, we give Reed Johnson the Mark DeRosa treatment, we torment Ed Hartig, and we RUIN WRIGLEY FIELD! What happened to Jeff Samardzija to allow Thomas Diamond to take his spot in Mexico? Is Samardzija OK? -- Wade T., Flora, Miss. I love the fact that somewhere, someone cares enough about this franchise ... Read More