Hire Jim Essian

How long has the Muskbag been back in Muskbox form? A couple of months? Why is this still at the top of every single one? The mailbag is back, but it's now the Inbox... Are there people out there so hopelessly confused that they can't find this column? Some Dipshit's Thoughts: I think I'll head to my favorite site, Cubs.com, to see ... Read More

Well, I guess the big news around here is that someone else is going to be signing my paychecks really soon. And that someone is J. Joe Ricketts. The team is supposedly going to be sold for $900M. That's $9M for each year this team hasn't won a World Series, if you're into doing "math." Rest ... Read More

Let the games begin. The Cubs Convention is in town, which means tonight is the night you dorks congregate at Shitty O'Kea's. And that means I have to hide in my room with a pizza, a bottle of Jack, and a copy of Ass-Ass-In IV. Have fun, nerds. For those of you NOT going, you're even ... Read More

Everyone is piling on Jason Marquis and is thrilled that he is no longer in Chicago. As you know, I've been hoping that Sean Marshall would win Marquis' job for the past two seasons. But instead of adding to the pile let's instead flash back to Sunday, September 16, 2007. You remember 2007. Lou Piniella's first ... Read More

Jim Hendry has been suddenly busy this offseason, as today he finally shipped Jason Marquis to the Colorado Rockies for Luis Vizcaino (thanks to Jon for the tip). There's no link, but the Cubs e-mailed out a press release. Vizcaino is crap, and the Cubs have plenty of starters, so this is a salary dump. But that's ... Read More

Ha ha ha ha ha! Get it? Because the Cubs just signed Aaron Miles? What does this mean? Well, I'm guessing The Pulse is getting shipped out of town, meaning that Jake Peavy trade isn't as dead as Kevin Towers was pretending it was. If Jim Hendry manages to trade Jason Marquis, land Peavy, and sign Milton ... Read More

The Colorado Rockies are talking seriously with the Cubs about a deal that would send Jason Marquis to the Rockies and Luis Vizcaino to the Cubs. I'll give you a minute to wipe the coffee off your monitor. Ready? Let's move on. Vizcaino is not good, and he's a drunk. What does he have going ... Read More

It's that time of year again. The time we give thanks for all of the things we hold dear in our lives and paint eggs to sacrifice to the Great Pumpkin so he doesn't eat our firstborn sons. And some people decide to make resolutions that they uphold from January 1st until January 6th. You know, things ... Read More

In this week's Muskbag, we are once again reminded that Cubs fans are idiots who are clueless about the rules of baseball and are obsessed with bad players. If they LOSE 97 games next year, will some of these dimwits go away? I heard that Veal was picked by the Pirates in the Rule 5 Draft. What exactly does that ... Read More

There aren't a whole lot of things you can say about Greg Maddux which Kermit didn't already say. But this Roundup is going to be dedicated to the Ph.D. of pitchers, anyhow. Thanks for all of the memories, Greg. Here's the Roundup: If HJE hasn't done a good enough job professing our man love for Maddux, is it ... Read More