The Muskbox Plays GM
At the Mathematical Elimination Party this Saturday, one of my friends told me she was rooting for the Cardinals to win the World Series. “Why the hell would you do that?” I asked. “Because you have to root for the NL Central when your team gets eliminated,” she replied. “Why the hell would I do [...]
Hire Tony LaRussa!
No, not really. It’s just our old pal David Kaplan at it again! Russ Kelly pointed out Kaplan’s latest Cubs fix entitled, “The Cubs Need to Sign the #1 Free Agent This Winter.” Hey, give Kaplan some credit for the headline. There isn’t a single exclamation point in the entire thing. Sorry about the infrequency [...]
Hey, Stoney, How’s the Visibility OF MY BALLS?
I told Dolan the other day that, considering how he acts now, I was always sort of proud that I never really cared for Steve Stone. I didn’t really have anything against him. I just didn’t think he was as big a genius as he or anyone else thought he was. After he left the [...]
Do the Cubs Hate Ryan Dempster?
Last week, I was worried that Ryan Dempster was developing Jason Marquis Disease. If you’re unfamiliar with JMD, it occurs when you’re a starting pitcher who gives up just enough runs for your team to lose. So, if the Cubs score 8, you’re busy giving up 9. If they score 1, you just allowed a [...]
The Cubs Would NOT Be Better with DeRosa and Wood Right Now
It’s not a question of whether or not you’ve heard it this season. It’s a question of how many times you’ve heard it. It’s some variation of “This team would be so much better if they’d kept Kerry Wood and Mark DeRosa.” Maybe over the course of the season, those people will be right, but [...]
Power Rankings
Phil Rogers is out of his goddamn mind. In his first Power Rankings of the season, he ranks Shea Stadium’s big apple as #7. Even MetsMan1980 knows that the apple is at best a fifteen seed. Rogers also ranks “Greed” in his MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL POWER RANKINGS. So, we’re left with 32 slots for 30 [...]
Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “I Forgot to Do the Roundup” Edition
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know your Friday mornings are oh-so-bright thanks to the Roundup, and I’m late. Why don’t you cry about it? That will make everything okay. Here’s your Roundup:
The Muskbox is Still Explaining How It Got Its Name
How long has the Muskbag been back in Muskbox form? A couple of months? Why is this still at the top of every single one? The mailbag is back, but it’s now the Inbox… Are there people out there so hopelessly confused that they can’t find this column? Some Dipshit’s Thoughts: I think I’ll head [...]
Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “‘We Have Ricketts!’ and Other Unbearable Puns” Edition
Well, I guess the big news around here is that someone else is going to be signing my paychecks really soon. And that someone is J. Joe Ricketts. The team is supposedly going to be sold for $900M. That’s $9M for each year this team hasn’t won a World Series, if you’re into doing “math.” [...]
Sweet Uncle Lou’s Friday Roundup: The “See You at Shitty O’Kea’s” Edition
Let the games begin. The Cubs Convention is in town, which means tonight is the night you dorks congregate at Shitty O’Kea’s. And that means I have to hide in my room with a pizza, a bottle of Jack, and a copy of Ass-Ass-In IV. Have fun, nerds. For those of you NOT going, you’re [...]
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