Hire Jim Essian

After a loooooong hiatus, the Muskbox has finally returned to half-answer all of your dumbest questions about the Cubs! The Muskbox is one of the few things that keeps me going during the offseason, so here's hoping that this is the first in a streak of many successful and hilarious fall and winter Muskboxes. CARRIE: It's been tough to ... Read More

Carrie, you clever little vixen. You took a long break from the Muskbox, only to have it spring up on a Thursday. I bet you thought I'd be too busy posting the Roundup, Skip's Comment of the Week, and the Friday Night Fukudome to fisk it. The Muskbox will never escape my watchful gaze. Don't you think Wells ... Read More

In case you haven't noticed, David Kaplan has gradually been changing color from pasty white to Oompa Loompa. I can only imagine the change is for one of the following reasons: The Caucasian race has officially kicked him out. He's so dumb, his skin doesn't even realize he's white. He's going on a hunting trip with the Monsters in the Morning this ... Read More

How will you be spending Jim Essian Day and your Jim Essian Weekend? It's May 22, 2009, the 18th anniversary of my Major League managerial debut. Everyone celebrates it differently. Here's a file photo of how Kerry Wood and the Cubs celebrated a recent Jim Essian Day. It was nice of them to remember me in such an inspiring way. In ... Read More

Opening Day is finally here. Since you're all jobless losers, I assume you're going to be out drinking and watching the game tonight. And what's more fun than watching baseball and drinking? Why, watching baseball and BINGE drinking, of course! With that, here is your 2009 version of the Cubs Drinking Game. Play ball! ... Read More

For some reason, the Muskbox is mercifully short this week. Maybe Care Bear had something better to do. Like train her flying monkeys to attack that bitch from Kansas. Away we go. I haven't been able to follow the Cubs' spring as much as I'd like to, being on the East Coast, but what are Koyie Hill's chances ... Read More

This week's Muskbox answers those questions you've been dying to ask all offseason. Such as who is going to take over the Cubs' blogging duties now that THE PULSE is in Cleveland. Seriously. That's one of the best questions that was asked. Just watch: How closely is the performance of the players participating in the World Baseball ... Read More

So help me God, until yesterday, I had absolutely no clue that Luis Rivas was on the team. I tried to write "Divas" on the lineup card, and this little twerp runs out there to play. Oh, well. I'll let the little guy hang out until we sign, like, Jose Offerman, or someone. That will probably ... Read More

I don't know what it is, but I have absolutely no interest in Spring Training this season. Maybe it's the fact that there are basically only two position "battles" going on this spring, one of which includes two guys who couldn't get into a rated R movie if they stood on each other's shoulders and wore a trenchcoat and ... Read More

Did people seriously miss the Muskbag so much that it's back? And did they really think they'd fool us by changing the name from "Mailbag" to "Inbox"? All it takes is a simple name change, Carrie. Your old Muskbag is now the Muskbox. And that is worse. So, here we go. I'm curious why the Cubs ... Read More