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It's Tax Day, and I'm having a shitty one. What better time to turn my glower to this week's Muskbox? None. None better time. Get your Tyler Colvin boners out, because they're about to get a rubdown. Why did the Cubs sign Marlon Byrd? To play center field. Next question, asshole. They have Tyler Colvin, who is big ... Read More

The last time we saw our good friend Hitler, he was upset about Kosuke Fukudome, was missing Sammy Sosa, and was looking forward to a 2009 season filled with Kerry Wood saves. The 2009 Winter Meetings begin today in Indianapolis, and Hitler just found out about them. What will happen when Hitler learns what has transpired with the ... Read More

With Alfonso Soriano hurt again, this Friday Night Fukudome was an easy one to invent. Who will survive the Fukudome? The midget who makes circus catches or the fatty who can rake? Why do we still care? We don't. VS. Jake Fox Sam Fuld ... Read More

Hey, Milton. What's up, man? Listen, I wanted to talk to you about something. I know you have a really rough life, what with a busy travel schedule necessitated by the fact that you play baseball for a living. And I know it's sometimes probably tough to figure out who your friends are when you have ... Read More

You can't make up the explanation for the return of the Muskbox. More than a few Cubs fans in Southern California said they missed the Inbox, and so did several e-mailers, so it's back. Well, thanks a LOT, California. You already gave us USC, horrible earthquakes, The Hills, and a cyborg governor who took the first major step for the machines ... Read More

Okay, it's reality-check time. Even if the Cardinals go one game under .500 for the rest of the way, they'll finish 88-74. For the Cubs to reach 88 wins, they'll have to go 28-17, a .622 winning percentage. Unlikely, since they're playing .513 baseball this year and are in danger of getting swept by a terrible 51-70 ... Read More

Of all the melodramatic reactionary stupidity that swept across the media over Kevin Gregg's back-to-back blown saves on Saturday and Sunday (I'm looking at you, Marc Silverman, you couch-slapping, walking panic attack), David Kaplan's reaction was, predictably, the worst. The worst thing to come of the weekend series loss to the Marlins was clearly the fact that it inspired ... Read More

I'm going to go ahead and give Carrie some credit. She may pick ludicrous questions to answer. She may pick decent questions and completely fail to answer them. And she might get her facts wrong sometimes. But at least she doesn't make stuff up, which makes her a better journalist than Burnt Sienna and Playgirl. ... Read More

Carrie, you clever little vixen. You took a long break from the Muskbox, only to have it spring up on a Thursday. I bet you thought I'd be too busy posting the Roundup, Skip's Comment of the Week, and the Friday Night Fukudome to fisk it. The Muskbox will never escape my watchful gaze. Don't you think Wells ... Read More

Aramis is back today, along with Angel Guzman and Reed Johnson. The Cubs just got a whole hell of a lot better. They were 11-7 (holy God, it was only 18 games into the season when he went down) with Aramis, and they've gone 29-32 without him. A Cub lineup that looks like it finally figured out ... Read More