Hire Jim Essian

Billy Wagner has had a very long, very successful MLB career. Wagner was half of a lethal back end of a Houston Astros bullpen in the early '00s. Wagner saved games behind setup man Octavio Dotel. He's saved quite a few of them in his sixteen seasons. 422, to be precise. He might be stuck ... Read More

If there's one good thing about the 2011 Cubs season, it's that The Attendance Game has been a lot more interesting. Gone are the days when Pat and Ron could just guess somewhere in the neighborhood of 40,000 people at Wrigley and be within 2,000 fans. Especially not when the Cubs are playing against boring, bad NL Central ... Read More

Oh, what the 2001 Cubs season might have been if the Cubs hadn't allowed outfielder Luis Gonzalez to walk at the end of the 1996 season. Sosa wouldn't have had to single-handedly attempt to carry the Cubs into the playoffs. Gonzalez's 57-home run, 142-RBI season would have paired nicely with Sosa's unbelievable campaign. But, alas, the Cub ... Read More

If there's one thing that's absolutely infuriating about the Cubs, it's their mystifying inability to hit left-handed pitching. No, scratch that. If there's one thing that's absolutely infuriating about the Cubs, it's their 102-year championship drought. Number two is the other thing with the left-handers. A couple of offseasons ago, when Jim Hendry decided to make ... Read More

If you've ever sat around and wondered how José Cruz managed to amass 2,251 hits in his career, you need to get a better hobby. Part of that total can be attributed to the fact that Cruz played parts of 19 seasons in the MLB. Oh, and also, he collected 197 of those hits by playing the Cubs ... Read More

You know that old adage, "If you can't laugh at yourself, then you suck"? I have to give credit to Carrie for not sucking today. (HT: James) Good one, Carrie. We're one step closing to you fisking one of the Muskboxes, and then I'll have to fisk that, and we'll just keep passing the same article ... Read More

You panicky little nerds. Do you feel better now that we're only a half game out of first place? Does it bring you joy to see us win four in a row? Are you wetting the roomy crotches of your pants after the bullpen actually managed to string together some outs? Are you ready to climb ... Read More

Every day is "Pick on Phil Rogers" Day at HJE, so this will be no exception. As you know, in early February Phildo predicted the Houston Astros were planning a "sneak attack" on the Cubs. This is, of course, inordinately stupid. But after the Cubs beat the Astros last night to win their first opening series since ... Read More

Phil Rogers is out of his goddamn mind. In his first Power Rankings of the season, he ranks Shea Stadium's big apple as #7. Even MetsMan1980 knows that the apple is at best a fifteen seed. Rogers also ranks "Greed" in his MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL POWER RANKINGS. So, we're left with 32 slots for 30 teams. ... Read More

I have to admit, I'm a sucker for the "first of the year" list that is always released right after Opening Day. You know, the one that says who had the first RBI, who had the first home run, and who was the most-recent high-priced pitcher to whither under the pressure of pitching for the Yankees. Unfortunately, there ... Read More