Hire Jim Essian

It's too early to tell whether or not Carlos Zambrano is a "changed man." But it's getting late enough to tell that he's pitching like a badass again. He's sporting a 1.38 ERA in 13 innings pitched this spring. More importantly, though, anger management classes haven't de-Carlosed the big goof. Carlos delayed the start of Sunday's ... Read More

If you thought that this week's Muskbox would ask whether or not Greg Maddux will be the next Cubs pitching coach, say another sooth, give yourself a gold star, and prepare for your weekly reminder of why you're embarrassed to be a Cubs fan. And, if you're NOT so embarrassed, thank you for your contributions to the Muskbox this week. Now that ... Read More

They're trying to steal Lou, and they just nabbed Larry Rothschild. Rothschild takes an undeserved beating from a lot of Cubs fans, presumably because of Dusty Baker's reign of career-destroying terror. The fact is, Rothschild is a hell of a pitching coach. Get the dreams of Greg Maddux as pitching coach out of your head right now. As ... Read More

This week's Muskbox answers all of your late-season questions. But who will answer MY late-season questions, such as, "Why the hell does anyone have late-season questions?" Or, "When does the late season mercifully transmogrify into the offseason?" Muskbox AWAY! Reading one of your blog posts about salaries, you said... I'm going to stop you right there. Your dangling ... Read More

If there's one sports radio refrain that annoys me, it's, "Tom Ricketts is being SO SMART AND CAREFUL about his evaluation of Jim Hendry." Bullshit. The Cubs are now halfway through their first season under Ricketts' ownership. They're 39-50, with the third-highest payroll in all of Major League Baseball. The only two more expensive teams are ... Read More

You're so predictable, Cubs fans. More predictable than the Cubs losing the first two games of every single series. More predictable than Randy Wells getting lit up in the first inning. More predictable than Ryan Theriot swinging at a first pitch. The five people who are still watching Cub baseball all wrote in to the Muskbox ... Read More

If there's one thing that's absolutely infuriating about the Cubs, it's their mystifying inability to hit left-handed pitching. No, scratch that. If there's one thing that's absolutely infuriating about the Cubs, it's their 102-year championship drought. Number two is the other thing with the left-handers. A couple of offseasons ago, when Jim Hendry decided to make ... Read More

Ed. Note: When I'm long gone from this world and tales are told of what I did to make a difference in this life, no one will have an answer that doesn't, at some point, use the phrase "dick joke." Whether I leave a legacy in the expanding world of penis jokes or not, though, I certainly don't ... Read More

Oh, happy day! Today is the first official day of the rest of your 2010 Cubs season. Why are we celebrating that? I don't know. Will this season be as difficult to watch as last season? Probably. Are our hopes at least down, meaning tickets will be easier to find? Hopefully. If ... Read More

I was a little worried about Carrie after last week's Muskbox. After all her talk about Milton Bradley, I assumed he had come to life and captured her, especially when we didn't see her at Kitty O'Shea's Friday night. But, sure enough, the Muskbox is too dumb to even realize it is mortal. Who will be the Cubs leadoff ... Read More