Hire Jim Essian

If you're interested in all things Geovany Soto, Brett Jackson, and Adrian Cardenas, well, this week's Muskbox is right up your alley! Also, if you're still hankering for chat about Koyie Hill, you're absolutely mental. But Carrie has answers to all the questions that you were frightened to ask. Except for questions about sex. Those questions are sick and wrong, and you're getting a little old for them, quite frankly.

If the Muskbox is a competition, someone has finally won it. The prize? Free dinner with Carrie! The losers all won free breakfast with Carrie. In all my years of fisking the Muskbox, I have finally arrived at not only the dumbest question ever asked, but also a response so silent regarding the stupidity, that it echoes throughout the ages. I hope you're seated for this week's Muskbox, because who the hell stands at a desk, anyhow? Dwight Schrute?

The Muskbox is back with a robustness that was lacking last week. It's also unreasonably back on a Thursday. I politely asked if Carrie would reconsider, but she hasn't gotten back to me yet. Oh, well. Will this week's Muskbox answer the question of why Jim Hendry inexplicably declared Jeff Baker untouchable? Will it declare Carlos Marmol ... Read More

Well, that was exciting. As bad as this team can be, this is why I still show up and watch the games. That, and for the paycheck. Mostly for the paycheck, I guess. Quade's gotta eat! We've got the White Sox again this weekend. And the reason YOU show up to watch these games ... Read More

Prepare for a glimpse into the writing of the Muskbox. When a new Muskbox crosses my feed reader, I excitedly open it and immediately cut-and-paste the content of the Muskbox into a new draft post. I don't like to read ahead, because I like my reactions to be like YOUR reactions when you read this nonsense. So, ... Read More

Let it never again be said that the Muskbox doesn't hold the Cubs accountable. That it's just a bunch of corporate answers to silly questions from simpletons who will purchase tickets no matter how stupid the package, and no matter how bad the team. Why, just this week in the Muskbox, Rudolpho Jaramillo is taken to task by ... Read More

If Mike Quade wanted to endear himself to Cubs fans, perhaps he should have avoided using the same unoriginal rallying cry that the infuriating Dusty Baker used during the 2003 season. "Why not us?" asked Quade at his introductory press conference. Well, Mike, I think I can take a crack at that. You don't have a first ... Read More

Well, I'm back, like it or not. The trip was outstanding, THANKS A LOT FOR ASKING. Rather than spending fourteen hours powering through thousands of unread feeds, I wiped my feed reader as soon as I got back in town. If there was a Muskbox in there, it is lost to the ages. There was, however, ... Read More

Folks, we have reached a new low, even by Muskbox standards. Someone actually took the time to write in and complain about Starlin Castro. Starlin is currently sporting an excellent .328/.386/.469 line. As Dolan recently pointed out, he has reached base at least once in every single game he's played. All seventeen of them. He ... Read More

The joke is on me. I sat through that disaster of a game last night along with a bunch of other idiots. I don't want to relive the nightmare in my head, but I do want to know from you guys. Is this team better or worse than you expected? I think I said on Kaplan's ... Read More