Hire Jim Essian

Paul Konerko has long been the most popular member of the White Sox. And why not? Sure, he looks like a record-store clerk, but he can hit, and he allegedly help the White Sox to a World Series title in 2005. Plus, the overweight female population alone has kept XXL Konerko jerseys in huge demand. His fans' jerseys, however, aren't the only thing XXL about Konerko's career. The first baseman's career numbers against the Cubs earned him the 20th spot on the Top 79 Cub Killers of My Time.

The Muskbox rarely promises things to us commoners. All we're guaranteed is the occasional laugh, the frequent facepalm, and the knowledge of new places across the globe like...Terre Haute? But this week's Muskbox brings the promise of more frequent Muskboxes! It's the gift that keeps on giving, even when you desperately wish it would stop so you ... Read More

There is a very real and sad possibility that last week's Muskbox may be the last one of the season. Meaning they will certainly address those last remaining questions you have about the Cubs. All of the important stuff, like HOW DID THE CUBS FARE WITH RUNNERS IN SCORING POSITION IN 2000??? The Muskbox is nothing if ... Read More

At 1:00 this afternoon, one of your favorite Cubs will find out if, at long last, his name will be enshrined in Cooperstown. A member of the 400+ Home Run Club, he made his way to Chicago later in his career to the delight of the fans at Wrigley Field. Two years after his arrival in Chicago, the ... Read More

I'm going to guess that this is going to incense some of you. Others are going to read it, pull a Bob Sugar, and say, "Finally, someone said it!" Some of you will question my baseball acumen. Others will say, "Hey, maybe Kermit wears a diaper for a reason other than his stupidity." But I think ... Read More

Last night when my goddamn Comcast DVR box decided not to record Lost EVEN THOUGH, Lost is number one on my "Series Priority List," and EVEN THOUGH it decided to record the Lost rerun immediately before it and Life on Mars immediately after it, I decided to watch some of the old stuff I had on the DVR. One ... Read More