Hire Jim Essian

Another week brings the dawn of another Muskbox. All things are relevant to the Muskbox, even those things that go unanswered. Which is most things. But you have to keep TRYING, you know? Most of what I have been reading says the Cubs will not pick up Aramis Ramirez's club option and instead pay him the $2 million ... Read More

Ahoy, there, Cubs fans! I hear a fair number of you are considering jumping ship after your manager inexplicably moved one of his best starters to the bullpen. Well, far be it from me to try to sway you one way or another, but up here in Minnesota, we have a new ballpark, one of the most exciting ... Read More

Yes, HJE's official stance is to still talk about Mark McGwire. And, yes, we're going to continue talking about Mark McGwire until we're done. It's easier when you hear fun reactions from former players, like Ferguson Jenkins' threat to throw a pitch at McGwire's massive head. Carlton Fisk even got in on the act this week. ... Read More

You can just imagine my jubilation when I read the title to this week's Muskbox. "How Clutch is Theriot?" the Muskbox inquired. "THIS MANY!" Theriot responded, holding up three fingers on his right hand and one finger on his left hand. And that's how this Muskbox was born. I know Ryan Theriot has had some clutch hits recently, ... Read More

What's better than having Dolan do a guest Muskbox? Well, getting back-to-back Muskboxes, of course! It's like last week's Muskbox is scissoring this week's Muskbox in a loving- ah, forget it. That's fucking gross. Let's just dive into this week's nightmare. I can assure you that it is terrible, as I noticed an awful, awful ... Read More

Last week, the Muskbox came out on Thursday, presumably because Carrie knows that Fridays at HJE are Sweet Uncle Lou's time to shine. But you can't hide the Muskbox from me, Carrie. Especially since it's so stupid, it emits an odor. So, here we go. Now that Jeff Samardzija has been sent to Triple-A Iowa, will he work ... Read More

So, wait, you Catholics are forced to eat meat now, right? Or you have do drink blood, or something? Well, whatever you have to do, have fun doing it. Mike D. sent me this picture of our cars getting dropped off at Wrigley. I'm not sure why they needed a truck. They should have just ... Read More

How long has the Muskbag been back in Muskbox form? A couple of months? Why is this still at the top of every single one? The mailbag is back, but it's now the Inbox... Are there people out there so hopelessly confused that they can't find this column? Some Dipshit's Thoughts: I think I'll head to my favorite site, Cubs.com, to see ... Read More

Well, I guess the big news around here is that someone else is going to be signing my paychecks really soon. And that someone is J. Joe Ricketts. The team is supposedly going to be sold for $900M. That's $9M for each year this team hasn't won a World Series, if you're into doing "math." Rest ... Read More

And to all a new Muskbag. It's tough coming up with content during the offseason, particularly when the only thing to talk about in regards to the Hot Stove is whether it would be cheaper to sign Mark Teixeira or build your own Mark Teixeira cyborg. If you try, make sure you don't monkey around by programming a ... Read More